Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I'm not a crazy Vegas guy. I'm not a gambler.
The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.
Is it true that if you don’t USE it you LOSE it?
I'm not superstitious, but I'm a little stitious.
Taste in comedy, like fashion, changes all the time.
Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard.
I'm a fun dad, but I don't know if I'm the fun, crazy dad.
Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice ... strike three.
What kind of person would have a real craving for gummy worms?
Everyone is flawed and everyone makes mistakes and is culpable.
Steve Buscemi is hilarious. He's really, really good with improv.
I'm very fast. I'm like Forest Gump, except ... I am not an idiot!
I am a patriot and I want to see this country [the USA] soar again.
You know, what's funny to one person is not at all to someone else.
In my wildest dreams i never thought- well, I never thought I'd work
In my wildest dreams I never thought - well, I never thought I'd work.
Maybe the coolest people are the ones who don't care about being cool.
I am both a night owl and an early bird. So I am wise and I have worms.
Anything nice that's said about me is diametrically opposed to who I am.
One person with the ability of half a person doing the work of four people.
Is there a God? If not, what are all these churches for? And who is Jesus' dad?
Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.
This year, more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children.
Six-year-olds are very wrapped up in their own lives, and that's the way it should be.
I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn’t cotton candy like the guy said… my tummy itches.
People say, 'What's the secret to a marriage?' There's no secret - I think you get lucky.
People generally have sex fairly young, and probably younger than they should be having it.
I've thought a lot about success, because it's very strange to me that I've been successful.
Being a leading man... that's like saying I want to be astronaut. That's not going to happen.
High school – those are your prime suffering years. They don’t get better suffering than that.
I tend not to be someone who's on all the time, or is always trying to make other people laugh.
It was kind of like they were just giving us a toy to play with, to do whatever we wanted with.
Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.
I love my wife dearly, and, therefore, I've never cooked a meal, romantic or otherwise, for her.
Being an action star is all I had ever hoped to be. I ultimately knew I would be an action star.
Being a leading man... that's like saying, 'I want to be astronaut.' That's not going to happen.
Goalies almost never get credit for winning a game, but they always get blamed for losing a game.
I would like for my kids to at least have some familiarity with who I am: "It's the man from TV!"
I would like for my kids to at least have some familiarity with who I am: 'It's the man from TV!'
'Anchorman'... is not grounded in anything. There is absolutely no heart to that movie, which I love.
Do not to be as shy around girls, because they're probably just as shy and just as scared as you are.
The ability to compromise and having the ability to laugh at ourselves is huge and works well for me.
It's interesting when you're trying to create a character in animation. It's really a communal effort.
Don't underestimate your kids. Don't be condescending, because they're children but they're not stupid.
It's nice to find people who live on the fringe, finding one another and she's just unrelentingly funny.
I have no idea where my pathetic nature comes from. If I thought about it too long, it would depress me.
The best food is in Chicago. There are great restaurants everywhere, from fancy places to burger joints.
Actors and magicians are both performers and they represent things that are not necessarily who they are.
The better the person you're with, the better you're going to be because they're giving you so much more.
I’m not good with pickup lines or flirting. I don’t have that kind of self-confidence or natural charisma.