Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I told you I was sick.
I'm Irish. We think sideways
Its all in the mind, you know.
I'm a hero with coward's legs.
It's all in the mind, you know.
God made nightButMan made darkness.
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
In the human race today, you came last.
A lot of learning canbe a little thing.
I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
We don't have anything planned, so nothing can go wrong.
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up.
Education isn't everything, for a start it isn't an elephant
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
If you kill me, I promise you - you will never take me alive.
It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.
Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be?
Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!
Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse
Render any politician down and there's enough fat to fry an egg.
Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
Thankfully, we didn't stop at Malta. I think Malta was thankful, too.
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
Listen, someone's screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently
I have resigned from the human race. Look at the way we treat animals.
I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.
If I don't eat soon, I'll die of hunger; and if I die, I won't eat soon.
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.