I told my wife when I was rolling up, I felt like the president.

We have strict orders: If we talk about it we get fined $50,000.

Our offense is like the pythagorean theorem: There is no answer!

Well, I don't remember all the names of all the clubs we went to

It's a different role for me, playing with the great Dwyane Wade.

Everything is done out of respect, whether it's a cheer or a boo.

I think it was 89.2% cheers and 11.8% boos, but I'm used to that.

He's a jokester, and that's funny, very funny. Ha-ha. Very funny.

I wouldn't. I would just go home. I'd fake an injury or something.

Kids can still call me Shaq, but adults should call me Dr. O'Neal.

Like my good friend Eminem the rapper says, you only get one shot.

Coach (Pat) Riley told us on June 8 we'd win the title on June 20.

Thank God I had two parents who loved me enough to stay on my case.

My job has always been to entertain people. I want people to laugh.

The day I stopped worrying about stats is the day I started winning

We want to win. We want to win big. We want to win the whole thing.

I'm a season kind of guy - not the preseason but the regular season.

Dampier is soft. Quote it, underline it, tape it and send it to him.

Remember this-I'm going to bring a championship to Miami. I promise.

I think I'm one of the patches of the quilt here, myself and Dwyane.

In the seven or eight years we were together, we were never together.

That has nothing to do with basketball. That's just because I'm sexy.

I'm going to be looking to get out like Randy Moss and Terrell Owens.

Can I go one day without somebody saying something negative about me?

Once you learn how to do something, you don't lose it. Unless you die.

There's no answer for my offense, just like the polythagorean theorem.

I've always been a leader. Every team I've played on, I've led my way.

I don't know. I don't have a fax machine, so I didn't get that message.

They say old people always come to Arizona, you know, to get recharged.

And if the big dog ain't me, then the house won't get guarded - period.

Every team that plays us plays above their heads. That's because of me.

It's hard to get up for a good high-school team like the Chicago Bulls.

I ate too many Frosted Flakes. I don't remember what I said last night.

Enunciation, diction, all that stuff. None of that is in my personality.

The Big Cactus... because if you come too close, you're gonna get stuck.

I guess people think the taller you are the more dominant you have to be.

When you're righteous, you don't have to tell people that you're righteous.

He's the Italian version of my father. I don't know if he's Italian or not.

I am the number one Ninja and I have killed all the Shoguns in front of me.

Me shooting 40% at the foul line is just God's way to say nobody's perfect.

Before I became the 'Great Test of the West," I was the 'Beast of the East.'

Y'all reporters like my quotes, don't you. Yeah, my quotes are Shaqalicious.

Alvin's the coach. We must be the Clippers. And I must be Olowokandi. Nooooo!

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. You all should be spanked for this.

I average 25 with three guys on me and they are just looking at stats I guess.

My sons love LeBron more than they love me. I'm just a little jealous about it.

That was a foul, young lady. You know that was a foul. Don't ask dumb questions.

Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural.

I don't know how it is for you earthlings, but where I'm from, strength is mental.

I'm getting older. I'm getting sexier. I'm getting meaner. I can still do what I do.

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