Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.
The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to trurh.
We know the goats are imported because they don't speak English.
Stem cells are like toenail clippings with a better career plan.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.
Beware the advice of successful people; they do not seek company.
When virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed.
I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.
We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.
I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
I used to be stupid but I've turned that situation around 360 degrees.
The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out.
Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.
No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
Management is nature's way of removing idiots from the productive flow.
My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right.
Beware of those who try to sell you simple answers to complex questions.
Why aren't you signed up for the 401K? I'd never be able to run that far.
Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games.
Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn.
Everything you learn becomes a shortcut for understanding something else.
And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.
I'm curious how you'll know it works. I assume it's mostly a cosmetic change.
The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.
Rotten bosses don't get better. Any strategy that assumes they can is doomed.
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.
When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car.
You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won't be that much of a change.
I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.
As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.
I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.
We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.
Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness.
The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.
Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.
The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day
On the fourth day of telecommuting, I realized that clothes are totally unnecessary.
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.
It is better for your career to do nothing, than to do something and attract criticism.
For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.
If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.
A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.