Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I like my life alone.
If I have kids, I'll adopt.
I don't need a lot of space.
I do love the idea of ritual.
I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.
I had a lot of depression as a kid.
Scientology is weird because it's new.
[I'm] almost positive there is no God.
I don't want to deconstruct what I do.
I really think everything is fair game.
We deserve quality lives with equality.
This is AIDS. AIDS is as real as an egg.
I'd love to do drama if it was interesting.
Nothing is taboo if you have an angle on it.
Summer camp: the second worst camp for Jews.
What are the chances there is a God, really?
I just think of myself as a comedian, really.
Smells definitely do have a crazy impact on me.
I love children. I'm embarrassingly baby-crazy.
I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.
The female nudity in movies is always sexualized.
I never defend my material. Comedy is subjective.
I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.
A bull in just about any shop is gonna be a mess.
I think Jews tend to hold me in fairly high regard.
Guess what, Martin Luther King? I had a dream, too.
I don't compromise. I only do the stuff I want to do.
We don't live in a democracy; we live in a hypocrisy.
The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17.
I just don't let that mentality be a part of my world.
That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive.
If I don't do stand-up for two weeks, I get freaked out.
You're supposed to have friends you can tell anything to.
The best time to have a baby is when you're a black teenager.
I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.
You have to take the chance to bomb and disappoint audiences.
Being with friends felt like a burden. I remember just sobbing.
I was a bedwetter until I was about 15, and it was humiliating.
They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.
Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert.
I don't really care for like fat jokes about women, specifically.
Jews are the most liberal, scrappy, civil-rightsy people there are.
I still have highs and lows, maybe I don't cry salty tears as much.
I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.
Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.
I don't really care for, like, fat jokes about women, specifically.
I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.
I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.
I'm personally not into a guy who wears pedal pushers and a necklace.
I'm lucky a couple of filmmakers have seen beyond what you're saying.