Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.
Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.
You can't start at the top.
Times don't change. Men do.
I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?
Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village
Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.
Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
You don't have to be in "Who's Who" to know what's what.
I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!
If you want to kill time why not try working it to death.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
The longest word in the world is "a word from our sponsor."
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
I'm gonna put all my money into taxes. They're sure to go up.
It's not the sugar that makes the tea sweet, but the stirring.
The whole world is watching America, and America is watching TV.
What we should have fought for was representation without taxation.
Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.
Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.
Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.
We may not always see eye to eye, but we can try to see heart to heart.
At the U.N., any nation that fights back is censored as an "aggressor."
Never lend money to a friend. It's dangerous. It could damage his memory.
The reason God made man before woman was that he didn't want any suggestions.
Learn from other people's mistakes. Life is too short to make them all yourself.
You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.
The beauty of America is that the average person always thinks she is above average.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.
People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.
The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.
How wise are Thy commandments O Lord. Each one of them applies to somebody or other I know.
Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful of books isn't poor.
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.
The Puritans came to America to worship in their way and to force everybody else to do the same thing.
We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that's the only way most of us got through.
Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch to weep for others' children.
The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country.
One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts get in the way of your imagination.
You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.
Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don't compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
There was an old Woman who lived in a shoe She had so many children Her government subsidy check came to $4,892.
If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.
Life begins at forty, but so does arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same person.
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.
More and more Congressmen now stay in Washington all year-round because they can't stay at home under the laws they've passed.
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.
When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?
