Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Never trust sheep.
Quiet! I'm expressing myself!
Two thongs don't make a right.
Back off or the lizard gets it!
I look like Walt Disney just threw up.
The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue.
Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.
I am breathing. That's how I'm staying alive!
If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!
The sky, the sky beyond the door is bluuuuuuue!
If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me.
If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.
I love B.C., but you know what taxes are like in Canada.
The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'.
When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.
I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.
If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian.
We're expecting a lot of rain in the state of Oregon, so let's just get rid of Oregon.
That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy.
I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.
I wasnt particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.
I wasn't particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny.
You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.
What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.
The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!
I cant sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. Im shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.
I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.
I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.
On 'Whose Line,' we had six, seven, eight scenes per show, so everything was pretty quick. And there's a lot of games that we just got tired of, like 'Hats' and 'World's Worst' and 'Hoedown' and stuff.
I was into sports in high school, but I got kicked out of Richmond High at 17, so I never graduated. However, I still get invites to the class reunions... I don't know that I want to see how everyone looks now.
I'm convinced to do improv. All you have to do is listen to what people are saying to you, and then just add more information to what they've just said. That's all there is to improv, but it's the hardest thing to do.
Drew's a funny guy. Because anything he gets into, he gets in 100%. Even when we were doing 'The Drew Carey Show,' he got into bowling, and suddenly he's phoning up pros for tips and carrying around 3 balls. It's just how he does it.
I did standup for a lot of years, too, but when you come out as a standup, you get the feeling from a crowd - it's a kind of a 'make me laugh' attitude. But when you come out as an improvisor, they realize that they're suggesting everything you do. So they're already invested in the scene, and they actually want it to work.