Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.
Abortion is a woman's right.
Being nuts is its own reward.
Excuse the mess but we live here.
I call myself a 'domestic goddess.
Laugh every day as much as you can.
I know how to do anything, I'm a mom.
Comedy is the only hope for humanity.
Women are cursed, and men are the proof.
I was completely nuts for most of my life.
I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out.
My real life is funnier than anything on TV.
Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil.
We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.
I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver.
Truth is available to the ears that can hear it.
Imitation is the sincerest form of show business.
Don't call people names you dirty name caller you.
I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas.
Your body is your instrument, you play it expertly.
I wish I'd done a tenth year of the 'Roseanne' show.
I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.
Diets are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here.
We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.
My children love me. I'm like the mother they never had.
I'm so much more famous than I am financially successful.
There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind.
I'm kosher except for times where I eat pork and shellfish.
I believe in equal rights for all citizens. One law for all.
There's nothing like a hardship song to set my toes a-tappin.
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them.
I can't have cats around me because they try to steal my energy.
two things do me in: one's chocolate cake, the other's hypocrisy.
I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.
You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.'
Without democracy in our homes, we will never have it in the world.
Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.
I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow.
In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.
It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.
I never consciously set out to talk about taboos or anything like that.
There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better.
I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.
There isn't any New Man. The New Man is the old man, only he whines more.
I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference.
Adults in a free country should be able to smoke a joint if they want to.
Suddenly, people had three phone numbers but never answered their phones.
