Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Shooting in New York is the shiznit, if I may be so bold. It was great. New York is a character. People who live here know that.
Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.
Be prepared for luck.
Reality: What a concept!
It's cheaper to keep her.
Comedy is acting out optimism.
It's the same sex all the time.
Even mistakes can be wonderful.
I feel like I'm a big human snot.
Carpe per diem - seize the check.
The only weapon we have is comedy.
When in doubt, go for the dick joke.
A place where we all go can't be bad.
Don't mess with me, man, I'm a lawyer!
Mr. Keating: Carpe Diem! Sieze the day!
Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
My comedy is like emotional hang-gliding.
Make your life spectacular, I know I did.
Go pump some neurons. Expand your craniums
I only ever play Vegas one night at a time.
There are no rules. Just follow your heart.
Ah...so many pedestrians, so little time...
What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?
A human life is just a heartbeat in heaven.
You have to break in half to love somebody.
I love kids, but they are a tough audience.
Ronald Reagan is the world's largest Muppet.
Seize the day. Make your life extraordinary.
No man is an island; but some are peninsulas.
Comedy pays the bills if I can't find a film.
Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!
The idea of having a steady job is appealing.
Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother
Never go to Pluto, it's a Mickey Mouse planet.
For a while you get mad, then you get over it.
Dreams don't deal in time. Time doesn't count.
It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut.
I don't do well with snakes and I can't dance.
Being alone onstage is like legalized insanity.
Women! Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em!
I know size can be daunting but don't be afraid.
Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'
I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.
I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.
Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?
We're not laughing at you - we're laughing near you
Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds
