Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.
Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost?
If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.
Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I had teeth that stuck out so far, I used to eat other kids' candy bars by accident.
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.
Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take
I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes.
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.
I have no organisational skills. All my energy goes into worry - worrying takes a lot of energy.
Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
My mother's mother is a very tough cookie. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping.
I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat.
If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.
Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover.
Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".
No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.