[A pariah is] something like a martyr with more suffering and less class.

Monogamy is contrary to nature but necessary for the greater social good.

Any woman whose I.Q. hovers above her body temperature must be a feminist.

If critics want to help me, let them come sit next to me while I'm writing.

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.

The process of writing, any form of creativity, is a power intensifying life.

One thing Mom taught me, "You're going to be dead a long time, so do it now!"

I've met many irresponsible people in my life but never an irresponsible cat.

I believe the true function of age is memory. I'm recording as fast as I can.

I don't expect executives to be creative but I do expect them to have courage.

Two wrongs don't make a right. No, but three will get you back on the freeway!

Never let anyone or any social attitude stand in the way of your productivity.

I am a comic writer, which means I get to slay the dragons, and shoot the bull.

I believe every change any word has undergone probably originated in ignorance.

The real reason Milton went blind was to avoid reading unsolicited manuscripts.

There are more differences between poor people than between middle-class people.

A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than no inspiration at all.

One survey found that ten percent of Americans thought Joan of Arc was Noah's wife.

I think gay people are like blondes: There're fewer of them but they have more fun.

whoever said progress was a positive thing has never been to Florida or California.

If you're afraid to die, you're afraid to live. You can't have one without the other.

Do not judge. Never presume to judge another human being anyway. That's up to heaven.

Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. And never hope more than you work.

Pornography exists for the lonesome, the ugly, the fearful - it's made for the losers.

Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash.

Content without style is propaganda or adolescence. Style without content is decadence.

You sell a screenplay like you sell a car. If someone drives it off a cliff, that's it.

Guilt is a Jewish invention improved upon by Christians for the last two thousand years.

Lesbianism, politically organized, is the greatest threat that exists to male supremacy.

Every action is either strong or weak, and when every action is strong we are successful.

I don't believe in straight or gay. I really don't. I think we're all degrees of bisexual.

Never underestimate the power of self-absorption, including your parents' self-absorption.

Happiness is pretty simple: someone to love, something to do, something to look forward to.

I believe that we often disguise pain through ritual and it may be the only solace we have.

I became a lesbian because of women, because women are beautiful, strong, and compassionate.

English is weak in describing emotional states or intensities of interpersonal relationships.

We all want to leave our children the Garden of Eden and we wind up giving them hardscrabble.

I think you can judge the level of success for any group of people by the reaction against it.

I hate the telephone. I think the lowest circle of hell is reserved for Alexander Graham Bell.

What's the point of being a lesbian if a woman is going to look and act like an imitation man?

many lesbians were so far in the closet they were in danger of being mistaken for garment bags.

Would it upset men if they found out we weren't different? Are we? Aren't we? Damned if I know.

Sex is a pleasurable exercise in plumbing, but be careful or you'll get yeast in your drain tap.

You can love more than one person at a time, and I don't give a damn what the self-help books say.

I have always been suspicious of romantic love. It looks too much like a narcissism shared by two.

Virginia Woolf said that writers must be androgynous. I'll go a step further. You must be bisexual.

Anyone of my generation who trusts government probably has an I.Q. that would make a good golf score.

Whoever heard of a neurotic frog? Where do humans get off thinking they're the pinnacle of evolution?

When Mother died I was both freed and abandoned, as are we all at this profound juncture in our lives.

Never measure literature by accounting statistics. A quarter of working authors earn less than $1,000.

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