Quotes by Richard Belzer - Page 1

I'm a huge Obama supporter.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Supporter
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Civil liberties, good. Lawyers, bad.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Good Lawyer
Lawyer
Liberty
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Exercise is the fountain of youth, I believe.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Fountain
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I was thrown out of every school I ever went to.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Thrown
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I think we make fun of the things that scare us the most.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Scare
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Scholastically, I did enough to get by, but I was smarter than I let on.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Smarter
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I have to say Tim Thomerson is one of the funniest people I've ever met.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Funniest
Tim
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I've known Chevy Chase for so long, I actually knew him when he was funny!
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Chevy
Known
Long
Chase
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Cancer is a cosmic slap in the face. You either get discouraged or ennobled by it.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Cancer
Cosmic
Discouraged
Slap
Face
Either
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The truth will set you free...unless you want to know the truth about who killed JFK.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Knows
Truth Will Set You Free
Want
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When I was a kid in the '50s, I was very enamored of beatniks and... a kind of dark sensibility.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Beatnik
Enamored
Sensibility
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I've been cast as myself so many times, I guess I should catch on and figure out if it's a compliment.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Compliment
Cast
Catch
Figure
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I was taught the truth will set you free... unless, of course, you want the truth about who killed JFK.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Truth Free Will
Jfk
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The number one job for me is to make people laugh. If I can also make people think, then that's a cool thing.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Cool Me People
Cool Thing
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I've found you don't have to make anything up. Reality is so complex and fascinating and horrible and beautiful.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Fascinating
Horrible
Reality
Complex
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I am not a cop. Really. I've just been playing one on television so long that people get a little confused sometimes.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Confused
Cop
Long I Am People
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If Sherlock Holmes can survive the Reichenbach Falls, then surely we have not seen the last of Detective Sergeant John Munch.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Holmes
Sergeant
Detective
Falls
John
Sherlock
Sherlock Holmes
Surely
Survive
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There's a lot of children that go to bed every night hungry in New York City, and it's shameful. That's really disturbing to me.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Disturbing
Every Night
Hungry
New York City
Shameful
Me Night City
City Me Night
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What am I grateful for? Aside from my own great life, you mean? I'm just grateful that my wife, and daughter, and dogs are all healthy.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Daughter
Thanksgiving
Dog
Grateful
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One person, one vote sounds so reasonable and - dare I say it - democratic. But the voting process in America is anything but fair and balanced.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Balanced
Dare
Reasonable
Voting
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Anybody who thinks there's not a vast right-wing conspiracy in this country must also think that Ken Starr should be our next ambassador to Luxembourg.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Conspiracy
Right Wing
Ambassador
Vast
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Anybody who thinks there`s not a vast right-wing conspiracy in this country must also think that Ken Starr should be our next ambassador to Luxembourg.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Country
Thinking
Wings
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If you tell a lie that's big enough, and you tell it often enough, people will believe you're telling the truth, even if what you're saying is total crap.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Believe
Crap
Lying
People
Telling The Truth
Truth Believe Lie
Big Enough
Enough People
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To be able to work for 20 years as an actor in an industry that is not so predictable, I'm grateful every day. I'll do it till I drop, I guess - or drop out.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Predictable
Drop
Till
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I secretly nurtured the idea of being in show business but was always terrified of it. I had every fear you could possibly imagine associated with performing.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Show Business
Terrified
Associated
Nurtured
Secretly
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It is not impossible to succeed as a social democracy, where business and free enterprise thrive, and not abandon the disenfranchised, poor, sick, and elderly.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Abandon
Democracy
Disenfranchised
Elderly
Enterprise
Free Enterprise
Impossible
Poor
Sick
Social Democracy
Succeed
Thrive
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As I got older, I was able to articulate why I was rebelling against authority - because their motives were much more forceful and hurtful than I had ever thought.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Authority
Hurtful
Articulate
Forceful
Motives
Rebelling
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It's this patronizing thing that people have about if you're against the war everyone's lumped together. You know, the soldiers are not scholars, they're not war experts.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
War
People
Soldier
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'SNL' came out in the '70s. It's a different zeitgeist. It's hard to re-create it, just as it would be hard to do a black-and-white noir film now. The culture's different.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Film
Noir
Snl
Zeitgeist
Came
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It's this patronizing thing that people have about if you're against the war, everyone's lumped together. You know, the soldiers are not scholars; they're not war experts.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Experts
Patronizing
Lumped
Scholars
Soldiers
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I went to several public schools. I went to religious school. I was thrown out of Hebrew school, which was the final straw. They said, 'God doesn't like you anymore. Go eat pork.'
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Hebrew
Pork
Thrown
Anymore
Public Schools
Schools
Several
Straw
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If any animal is capable of unconditional love, it is surely the canine: they are forgiving, caring, life-affirming creatures who humble us and teach us to be more human and compassionate.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Unconditional Love
Animal
Capable
Caring
Compassionate
Creatures
Forgiving
Humble
Teach
Unconditional
Surely
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The reason I wrote 'Hit List' is the 50 mysterious deaths of witnesses to the JFK assassination. We're talking about CIA agents, FBI agents, reporters, people who had foreknowledge, or people who spoke too much afterward.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Agents
Assassination
Cia
Fbi
Fbi Agents
Mysterious
Reporters
Afterwards
Deaths
Jfk
List
Witnesses
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I used to think of it as a joke that all paranoids were right. That was a joke in the '60s, but now I'm convinced that people should be paranoid reflexively - and then pare it down from there if there's any indication that they're wrong.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Indication
Pare
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When I listen to a fascist, like Rush Limbaugh or Tom Delay or somebody like that, they help me define my views. I ask myself, 'Why do I feel so strongly the opposite of what that guy is saying? He's not stupid. He's evil, but why is he evil?'
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Evil
Guy
Stupid
Views
Ask
Opposite
Somebody
Myself Stupid Me
Listen
Define
Fascist
Rush
Saying
Strongly
Tom
Tom Delay
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Everything is a conspiracy. People kind of demonize the word. But a conspiracy is when two people get together and do something. So, if more than one person does something, it's a conspiracy. The revolution was a conspiracy, Iran Contra, Watergate.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Conspiracy
Get Together
Iran
Revolution
Watergate
Demonize
Two People
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In 1985, I was the host of a talk show, 'Hot Properties on Lifetime.' Hulk Hogan was on the show. He put me in a headlock and rendered me unconscious and let me fall to the ground. I split my head open and got nine stitches - and this was on live TV.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Fall
Host
Lifetime
Live Tv
Nine
Unconscious
Talk
Tv
Show
Open
Got
Ground
Head
Hulk
Put
Properties
Rendered
Split
Talk Show
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As a result of being on 'SVU' and 'Homicide' all these years, there's a lot of people who don't know I used to do stand-up. When they see me onstage, it's a surprise, and it's revelatory. I'm happy because I can do my old material, so everybody wins.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Homicide
Surprise
Me Result People
Onstage
Wins
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Most people cherish their very existence and try their best to live a life worth living. In spite of the seemingly insurmountable obstacles in our way, we somehow hope against hope and find a way to be as life-affirming as humanly possible! How? Love!
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Cherish
Insurmountable
Obstacles
Spite
Worth Living
Life Love Best
Seemingly
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You remember France, it's the country that financed the American Revolution... OK, it was in their self-interest, but still, they made it happen. Let's face it: without the French, there would be no America... in other words, without them, there is no us.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
American Revolution
France
Revolution
Self Interest
Financed
In Other Words
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I'm tired of Italian gangsters. Not that I don't watch 'The Godfather' every morning when I get up and 'Goodfellas' when I go to sleep at night. But I've just always been fascinated by Russia as a country, by the Russian personality. And now Russia is literally a gangster nation.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Fascinated
Gangsters
Italian
Russia
Gangster
Godfather
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If ever there was a misnomer in the political lexicon, surely 'values voters' is the all-time champ. The use of this term to describe the so-called base of the Republicans' so-called party mainly refers to an extremist, ultra-conservative, strain of so-called Christian conservatives.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
All Time
Extremist
Strain
Voters
Base
Champ
Conservatives
Describe
Republicans
So-Called
Surely
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In the seventies when I was struggling, I ate the same thing every day at Big Nick's Burger Joint on Broadway and 77th Street. A cottage-cheese omelette with tomatoes, French fries, rye toast, orange juice, and coffee. It was consistently the most satisfying meal I could possibly imagine.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Broadway
Coffee
Consistently
French Fries
Imagine
Juice
Orange
Satisfying
Seventies
Ate
Burger
Day Street Every Day
French
Day Coffee Every Day
Street
Joint
Meal
Nick
Rye
Same Thing
Struggling
Toast
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Arguably, the first five years of 'Saturday Night Live' were some of the most radical things ever seen on television. When NBC said, 'Okay, you can do a show from 11:30 to 1 on Saturday night,' they didn't think anyone would watch. It was like giving a piece of the candy store to the kids.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Candy
Five
Giving
Nbc
Night
Okay
Radical
Saturday
Saturday Night
Saturday Night Live
Television
Arguably
Seen
Candy Store
Watch
Piece
Store
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There`s a division in most major police departments called, `Special Victims Unit,` which is what sex crimes are euphemistically called. They`re considered the most heinous crimes, when not only do you violate somebody, but you violate them sexually. So it`s an elite squad that takes care of that.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Police
Sex
Squad
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When members of a certain party concoct various devious schemes to suppress votes, purposely misinform potential voters, spread vile untrue filth about certain candidates, play the race, gender and religious cards, and literally tamper with vote tallies, then we are not a truly representative government!
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Candidates
Cards
Devious
Filth
Schemes
Spread
Untrue
Voters
Purposely
Vile
Representative
Suppress
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The Kennedy assassination is one of the ghostliest parts of our history. The Kennedy family - that's our royalty. It's fascinating and tragic and just strikes to the heart of our country. Here's the youngest president ever, full of hope and promise, and he made government service seem like it was dignified.
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Assassination
Fascinating
Promise
Royalty
Strikes
Tragic
Dignified
Youngest
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Have you noticed that the meanest, shrillest, least compassionate and most heartless people who are well off and have all the medical coverage they'll ever need are seemingly sickened beyond cure by the notion that someone who literally cannot afford health care is somehow beneath contempt and must be vilified and humiliated?
Richard Belzer / Stand-Up Comedian
Compassionate
Contempt
Coverage
Health Care
Heartless
Humiliated
Afford
Health Medical People
Beneath
Health Medical Care
Cure
Meanest
Noticed
Seemingly
Vilified
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Richard Belzer Quotes - Page 1

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