Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I saved my money.
I love Jon Stewart.
I love alpha males.
I love Batman to death.
'Time to Move On' is my favorite song.
Dorks are not exempt from bad behaviour.
Literally, my honeymoon was driving to Chicago.
I really love the Frank Miller 'Year One' stuff.
What people respond to is intimacy and regularity.
The underlying goal of comedy is feeling not-alone.
I'm not religious anymore, but I was raised religious.
I booked an E-Trade commercial. That's a lucrative gig.
When you do stand-up, it's so autonomous: I can say anything.
I disagree with the idea that everything happens for a reason.
It's hard to control the things that are going to inspire you.
The idea of saying 'the handsome Pete Holmes' is preposterous.
I hate when pastors have a gay son and then they become pro-gay.
I'm not the hugest comic book person, but I do love superheroes.
If you have a friend with a blond mustache, he wants to touch you.
I call myself 'Christ-leaning,' but that's primarily psychological.
I think what people respond to is someone being who they actually are.
As soon as I heard the term 'comedy nerd,' I'd hoped there was a lot of them.
I went and saw Letterman when I was 15, and that had a profound impact on me.
I mostly do faces and sounds. That's what I do. Comedy doesn't have to be art.
The only Batman that doesn't need parodying is Adam West, but everybody else is fair game.
I used to just want so badly to have afterlife insured and make sure I was going to heaven.
Losing your faith is an essential part of having a three-dimensional, vivid, vibrant faith.
There's something about a podcast that feels like two people in a closet with the lights off.
Audiences sometimes emit these weird frequencies that make you think you've weirded them out.
When I look at what's happening with #MeToo, my heart breaks, basically, for everybody involved.
My mom wanted me to be a youth pastor, and when I became a comedian, she said it was close enough.
If I open a Batman book, and he doesn't look right, I can't do it. It has so much to do with the art.
When I grew up, my model of God was like a lifeguard: I knew He loved me, but He blew his whistle a lot.
When you slide into television, no one tells you exactly how manage expectations and work with your staff.
I wanted to be a pastor. I was going to be a youth pastor. I mean, I play guitar; I like to make people laugh.
I didn't like talking about my divorce. I think I viewed that as something that was embarrassing or a failure.
When somebody comes across as authentic and genuine and sweet, people just want to spend time with that person.
I think it can be easy at a certain point to take it for granted that you can kind of perform whatever you want.
When I got divorced, the first people I called were Nick Kroll and John Mulaney and T. J. Miller - all the pals.
I'm the weirdo that tells - asks - the Uber driver to please turn the radio down. I'm so polite about it, though.
I'm a comedian. Comedians are supposed to be jaded, cynical, angry people. But I'm not: I'm a silly, silly fun boy.
Joy is in learning to say yes to what is and to surrender into flow with what is, even when it's what you don't want.
I think 'everything sucks' is too often leaned upon as a comedic stance. It's a really easy and pretty weak perspective.
I was raised evangelical, so if you want to get offended, let's get offended. I have a master's degree in being offended.
I always wanted to do something about what it's like to get divorced, especially when it's a young marriage to start with.
People like Bill Burr and Jim Gaffigan and Zach Galifianakis and Sarah Silverman - they were all amazing and helpful to me.
Science would like to tell us that people laugh because of the benign violation theory, but comedy doesn't have hard rules.
Good comedy can be liberating, and if I'm doing my job as a comedian, part of the joy for the audience is getting that release.
Starting the podcast was an experiment. I wouldn't say I was very private, but I was probably as private as the average person.
Comedians really are like a species. That's not to be exclusive. Anyone can kind of become one. You have to pay your dues, though.