Quotes by Patrice O'neal - Page 1

I'm really glad my food comes murdered.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
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Women don't want to win, they want a winner.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Want
Winner
Winning
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Women expect us to like them, but they don't even like each other
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
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I'm a big buffet dude, or I'm a big cheap-food-and-order-more-when-I-need-it dude.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Buffets
Needs
Order
Buffet
Dude
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People say life ain't fairlife is very fair. People aren't fairpeople are terrible.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Fairs
People
Terrible
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I am that guy who will say things that people seem to think is a little edgy, a little racy.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Edgy
Guy
People
Thinking
I Am People Will
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Ive still got that little freedom part of me that wants to have a car that looks really sexy.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Car
Sexy
Want
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I've still got that little freedom part of me that wants to have a car that looks really sexy.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Looks
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Having women work with men is like having a grizzly bear work with salmon . . . dipped in honey.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Men
Grizzly Bears
Honey
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I wanna say 'China', but I don't really mean 'China.' I just mean the places that Chinese people come from.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Chinese
Mean
People
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Who has connections to Connecticut? That's where rich people go to live the rest of their life in the woods.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Funny
Connecticut
Connections
People
Rich
Rich People
Woods
Life Live People
Life Rest People
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I like to be loved or hated - I don't like mediocre. So I'd rather have the entire crowd hate me than to have 90% hate me.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Crowds
Hate
Hated
Mediocre
Loved
Crowd
Entire
Rather
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I don't go to any sexy places to eat where they give you half a lamb chop and one bean. I like going, 'Uhhh, I'm done' when I eat.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Done
Giving
Sexy
Bean
Chop
Lamb
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I'm a decent cook, and I will try to cook anything. My only weakness is that I don't know servings - I only know how to make a lot.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Decent
Trying
Weakness
Will Anything Know
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I need a little bass and I don't even need that crazy bass to break your face. I just want it to sound good when I have my favorite song.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Bass
Crazy
Song
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I generally don't like living in a world where being what a man is, is a horrible thing; and no matter what a woman is, is a wonderful thing.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Men
Matter
World
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I'm a thigh-meat dude. Thigh is just the best meat - I don't get chicken breast. I think it's a publicity stunt that we've convinced people it's delicious.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Convinced
Delicious
Meat
People
Publicity
Thinking
Chicken
Dude
Stunt
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What I'm trying to do is be righteous. And when I say “righteous,” I don't mean God. You know? God- Righteous. I mean just when I wake up, I know I was honest to myself.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Mean
Trying
Wake Up
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Just making the crowd laugh is not really doing things for me anymore. That's just knowing how to kill; I've learned how to kill - but also learned when a crowd's laughter is meaningful.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Knowing
Laughter
Meaningful
Crowd
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I'm a slave to the culture, so I see an Audi, a Denali, or an Escalade, my neighbor got the four-door Porsche. I have a really nice truck. But it's a Durango and I like frontin'! I like to ride by and show off.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Doors
Four
Neighbor
Nice
Porsche
Slave
Truck
Ride
Show Off
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The case is I talk for a living, so I should be able to say anything I want to say regardless of how you feel. What we're starting to deal with now is your opinion matters, but to be quite honest, your opinion means nothing.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Honest
Opinion
Starting
Talk
Quite
Case
Deal
Matters
Regardless
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People have tried to corner the market on being offended, corner the market on language and corner the market on opinion. Should I lose my job 'cause I offended somebody? No, of course not. Your life should never be affected by public opinion.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Jobs
Affected
Language
Offended
Opinion
People
Public Opinion
Should
Life Your Lose
Job
Life Lose People
Somebody
Cause
Corner
Public
Course
Life People Your
Lose
Market
Tried
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Not everybody should be laughing at everything at the same time. That's not even natural. My thing is to feel natural, because I don't want to feel like I could just make people laugh at every single joke, every single time, with the same decibel level.
Patrice O'neal / Stand-Up Comedian
Laughing
Levels
Natural
People
Single
Time People Feel
Time People Laugh
Joke
Every Single Time
Laugh
Same Time
Single Time
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Patrice O'neal Quotes - Page 1

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