Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The one thing that's terrible about traveling for fun is writing about it.
You've got to understand, people are motivated by fun. And they should be.
Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.
Only a few good leaders have paused to reflect seriously on being leaders.
Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.
The average IQ in America is—and this can be proven mathematically—average.
I spent a lot of time behind the Iron Curtain, and their cars were abysmal.
The C student starts a restaurant. The A student writes restaurant reviews.
[Al] Franken is left-wing and funny. He's a pretty good political humorist.
The bar is set pretty low if you want to be a hip, accessible conservative.
Raining on parades requires no skill or effort on the part of a politician.
I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough.
There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.
Explosion of positive rights started in 1932 with the election of Roosevelt.
Disney's Tomorrowland is deeply, thoroughly, almost furiously unimaginative.
A nation with a goofy foreign policy needs a very serious policy of defense.
I usually agree with Rush Limbaugh; therefore I usually don't listen to him.
Why can't death - if we must have it - be always glorious, as in 'The Iliad?'
There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please.
Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.
I was never a Democrat. I went from Republican to Maoist and then back again.
Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do.
One of the few benefits of being a journalist is that you're not in the Army.
No industry in living memory has collapsed faster than daily print journalism.
The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.
Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum.
Walt is dead. And, after a couple of hours at Epcot, you'll wish you were, too.
The average IQ in America is - and this can be proven mathematically - average.
Demolishing pretensions, especially worthy ones, is a hallmark of the baby boom.
Democrats hate stay-at-home spouses, no matter what gender or gender preference.
Vegetables are something God invented to let women get even with their children.
If we're free to do what we want, why does government always have a plan for us?
Never strike anyone so old, small or weak that verbal abuse would have sufficed.
The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say.
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.
Mike Kelly [from The Atlantic] called me up and said he could pay me less money.
Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit
The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place!
Jack Abramoff is the world's best lobbyist - for the Federal Penitentiary System.
To blame the existence of al Qaeda on poverty like Egypt's is a slur on the poor.
I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad.
You can't get something for nothing. Everybody remembers this except politicians.
The political process consists entirely of politicians talking out of their butts.
Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.
People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively.
Not being a liberal, I have very little grasp of things that I know nothing about.
Until I carried my wife off to New Hampshire, she defined wilderness as the Bronx.
Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.