Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
Ballet is the fairies' baseball.
Schizophrenia beats dining alone.
So little time and so little to do.
I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.
I'm a self-made man. Who else would help?
I played an unsympathetic part -- myself.
Self-pity - it's the only pity that counts.
I am no more humble than my talents require.
Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.
Debbie Reynolds is as wistful as an iron foundry.
When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.
I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.
I never watch the Dinah Shore show- I'm a diabetic.
I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.
I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.
I'm controversial. My friends either dislike me or hate me
I don't like to play the piano. It makes me too attractive.
It's not what you are, it's what you don't become that hurts.
Now that Marilyn Monroe is kosher, Arthur Miller can eat her.
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
Talent's like a baby. Wrap it up in wool and it goes to sleep.
An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.
I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
My psychiatrist once said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone'.
Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.
Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision.
A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don't think of it first.
When I was young I looked like Al Capone, but I lacked his compassion.
I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.
I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
Once he makes up his mind, he's full of indecision. - On Dwight D. Eisenhower
George, if you had to do it all over, would you fall in love with yourself again?
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.
I'm a concert pianist, that's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment.
I never read bad reviews about myself, because my friends invariably tell me about them.
Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.
It'd be nice to please everyone but I thought it would be more interesting to have a point of view.
I could never have a mistress, because I couldn't bear to tell the story of my life all over again.
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the ones that keep me walking the floors at night.
