Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I don't have any ambition.
We advise others better than ourselves.
Few criminals die sensible of their crimes.
Richard Pryor is my favorite stand-up ever.
Few people love with the violence they hate.
It is better to be idle than employed in ill.
Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
When I started in Canada, I just did stand-up.
Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.
In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.
In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
You can't love your team without hating another team.
RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.
Jealousy seldom punishes with the severity it suffers.
Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.
I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.
Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.
The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.
Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.
Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.
Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration.
If you cannot patiently bear correction, endeavor to avoid fault.
There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.
Note to self... Sex with blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.
Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!
I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.
Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.
It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated.
A man's enemies are those he should endeavor first to make his friends.
A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.
Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.
I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that.
In giving advice, aptitude is often less to be considered, than seasonableness.
Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.