Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Nothing really shocks me anymore.
I like putting myself in uncomfortable situations.
Being pretty was always a very big thing growing up.
I've been living out of a suitcase for over a decade.
I just want to open people's eyes to different things.
I've been saying inappropriate things since I was a kid.
Everything I write in my show is a collaboration with a team.
I never feel guilty or anything after a podcast; I feel better.
I like guys with a sense of humor who smile a lot and are kind.
That's the compliment I get most often - 'You guys are so honest.'
I would much rather be someone with high self-esteem and less funny.
I'm so glad I'm not in college anymore. I'm so glad I'm not having kids.
If anyone's going to bring about mass extinction, it'll be Donald Trump.
Up until recently, I've said, 'I don't notice the sexism in the industry.'
I always told my parents, 'Just give me till I'm 27 to do comedy, to make it'.
I don't feel the same pressure to be perfect up there that I did in the beginning.
Temping is the worst. I would rather starve and be homeless than nanny or temp again.
You're not too good for the sleep mask-neck pillow combo! You're not too cool for it!
There's actually a thing called Wikifeet that's the Wikipedia of celebrity girls' feet.
I was always thinking the funny things but was always quiet and scared to be made fun of.
I think girls in general need to be more complimentary... It just makes people feel better.
Someone told me I looked like a young Tonya Harding recently, as if 'young' would soften the blow.
All my life - middle school, high school - I've always been worried what are people going to think.
I have always been scared of confrontation. My therapist says it stems from my fear of abandonment.
I throw out compliments to strangers all the time, because I would like it back at me, and do unto others.
When you use sleep mask, no one's gonna recognize you. You're gonna look like an idiot, but it's so worth it.
Rob Thomas loves nothing more than for couples to go on dates, and he loves chocolates. Boxes of 20 chocolates.
Some of my favorites include 'Walking the Room' and 'Never Not Funny' and 'FitzDog Radio', Greg Fitzsimmons' podcast.
My boyfriend and I have finally learned how to embrace confrontation as something that will only help us as a couple.
Make eye contact with cute strangers. Give guys your email. Email is safer than a number, or at least it feels that way.
All my relatives and friends have been pretty aware of my brand of humor for a while, so none of them have been shocked.
People are just so insensitive because they're ignorant; they don't understand, so they're scared of what they're ignorant of.
I just realized I have probably spent more time in a strip club than Rihanna has, and that is saying a lot because she goes a lot!
The best stuff - the most interesting stuff - usually happens when I allow myself to be in the moment and working from that space.
As a female comic, if you talk about sex in any capacity, you will be branded a 'sex comic,' so I might as well go full force on it.
I won't tackle something like furries, because there's nothing new to say. Also, I won't do anything that I think will put my life at risk.
The more you work in this business as a comedian, the closer you get to just being yourself onstage, on camera, the more well received you are.
As far as how I approach the humor, I think the best comedy is going to happen when I'm myself and act organically to a news item or situation.
A college degree was very important for them; it wasn't for me. So I picked English because I'm fluent. I thought it would be the easiest to do.
I was inspired by people telling me I should be a comedian. I tried it and had a really good first set, so I was like, 'OK, I'll do this forever'.
Funny is funny. If it's funny enough to women, it will be funny to men. I think that's been proven by Broad City and Amy Schumer. They're killing it.
When I did 'Nikki and Sara Live,' I think a lot of the comedy got lost because we were always so worried about how we looked, and so was the network.
I went and hung out at a foot fetish party, and I knew that was a very popular fetish to have, but I didn't realize how amazing it would be to have it.
Sarah Silverman. She's the reason I do comedy. Her DNC speech was my favorite thing I ever heard. Sitting down with her and laughing would be incredible.
I started out splitting my time between the Kansas City and St. Louis comedy scenes, which both had bluer sensibilities than other cities that I've worked.
I nannied for a couple of months. The kids were super-funny; it made me wish I grew up in a comedy household. But nannying is demoralizing. I'm just not cut out for it.
I don't know what that is because to me, Feb. 14 is Rob Thomas' birthday, and that's only what I acknowledge it as. I just like to celebrate that as Rob Thomas' birthday.
My sister was very, very beautiful and I was very not. Doing comedy is the greatest thing ever because you don't have to do that, and I've since learned to let go of that.
I was going to go to a Gathering of the Juggalos but decided that wouldn't work. They would know I was there to make fun of them. It would be like me going to a Trump rally.
The first place I ever performed was at CU Boulder. I went there my freshman year and discovered stand-up after my friends talked me into signing up for a showcase on campus.