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I think everyone can relate to that fall from grace - having life change in an instant or having to stand for some of your bad choices, that feeling of 'Nothing is ever going to be good again.'
You're as sick as your secrets, and my whole life was a secret, so it's just... it's been really healing, and I've found a lot of inner peace by just owning everything and moving forward from there.
I had a full-time driver, or I would take my Bentley. I'd have big houses in the Hamptons for the summer, taking seaplanes or helicopters out. I did a lot of flying privately to Miami. A lot of shopping.
I felt invisible in my family, and I wanted to be significant like my brothers were significant. I wanted my parents to pay attention, so I went out into the world with that driving me, that grasping, that seeking validation.
The chemistry at a table is so important. You must start with a carefully balanced mix of personalities. If the balance is off, and the stakes are too big for some of the players, it kills the game. Too small, and everybody gets bored.
I grew up in a very high-achieving family. I have a brother who's a Harvard-educated cardiothoracic surgeon. My other brother is a two-time Olympian, fifth-round draft pick for the Philadelphia Eagles, and an entrepreneur and philanthropist.
I developed an interesting skill set in that I was able to create a network and create experiences and environment - I built this decadent playground for men. It might have been successful, but it wasn't important. It didn't have any true meaning.
I kept these games pretty intimate. You know, with this much money on the table, with this much risk, you wanted to make people feel safe. They don't want to feel like they're part of a spectator's sport - well, the winners do, but the losers do not.
I saw someone lose $100 million in one night. When you watch that, as an owner-operator of a game, you realize that these numbers are incredibly unsustainable, incredibly unhealthy. So, I was not happy about this loss. It brought me no joy or adrenaline.
I did a little soul searching to explore where I had gone wrong, why I made the decisions I did, how my definitions of success and ambition were off. I love a great new pair of shoes - I love to look at my bank account and see zeroes - but what is it attached to?
My father is a psychologist who wouldn't let fear stop us. Particularly with me, he was hell bent on requiring us and teaching us to walk through fear. I don't know if I would've become someone who taps into their ability to push through those tough situations without him.
I've been rich; I've been poor. I've been successful; I've been decimated. And the way I felt inside didn't change dramatically. It's less stressful to have money, that's for sure. But that doesn't mean I felt fulfilled. So I've learned to live in the smaller moments of life.
You're going up against the billionaire boys' club or trying to find your way into something you have no basis for, and it's bigger than anything you ever imagined - and then actually having that work. Having that risk pan out. It taught me to be very fearless - maybe too fearless in the end.
I think, before I had money, I believed that money would solve my problems, that it would give me power and I wouldn't have financial stress anymore, and it would completely change my life. And then, when I had money, it changed a lot of things, but it didn't change the way I felt inside at all.
Tobey Maguire and I had a tough relationship - it was a tough working relationship. We butted heads, and ultimately, I lost the Los Angeles game because of differences with him. But then I moved to New York and built a bigger game, five times bigger, making more money, and that was pretty exciting.
After I quit the U.S. Ski Team, there was a fair amount of, you know, grief that follows that, and I just wanted to take a year off. And I had a friend that lived in Los Angeles, said I could crash on his couch. And so I just kind of did the first really spontaneous thing I'd done in my young adult life.