Quotes by Mimi Pond - Page 1

What do women want? Shoes.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Funny
Shoes
Want
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Buying shoes is the highest form of shopping.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Buying
Shoes
Shopping
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Even if you're fat, one thing always fits: shoes.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Fats
Fit
Shoes
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What becomes of the broken-hearted? They buy shoes.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Broken
Broken Hearted
Shoes
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Walking in high heels should be made an Olympic sport.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Sports
High Heels
Shoes
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Being popular is important. Otherwise people might not like you.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Important
Might
People
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Plastic shoes are to the shoe world what fast food is to fine cuisine.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Cuisine
Shoes
World
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How to Tell a Good Pair of Shoes: Do you like them? Then they're good shoes.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Pair Of Shoes
Pairs
Shoes
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Your wedding will not be what you think it is going to be, no matter what you think it is going to be.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Matter
No Matter What
Thinking
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I wasn’t invited to be on staff at the Simpsons because they didn’t want any women on staff at the time.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Invited
Staff
Want
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Show me a woman with a subscription to a bridal magazine and I'll show you someone who doesn't even have a boyfriend.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Magazines
Show Me
Singles
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The woman who steals your boyfriend has the ugliest shoes on earth. Truly hideous. You wouldn't be caught dead in them.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Earth
Shoes
Your Boyfriend
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Of all the wonderful things that men and women share, shoes, tragically, are not one of them. This is because men lack the shoe chromosome.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Men
Shoes
Wonderful
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... the running shoe ... could be called the Swiss Army knife of footwear ... What appeal is there to a shoe whose only selling point is comfort?
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Running
Army
Knives
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Remember when you were eleven years old and you thought how great it would be to get your period? And then you got it? That's what planning a wedding is like.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Planning
Would Be
Years
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Planning your own coming-of-age experience may wither you prematurely, but just think of it this way: If you can get through this, childbirth should be a breeze.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Age
May
Thinking
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In LA, it's the law that you must be engaged in writing a screenplay with your hairdresser, pool boy, personal trainer, life coach, dog walker, or yoga instructor.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Yoga
Boys
Dog
Writing
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It is tempting to think of your husband-to-be as just another bridal accessory. It may be easier for him to play along with this too. After all, you don't expect your shoes or your beaded bag to help you make decisions.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Husband
Play
Thinking
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People have an annoying tendency to compare shoe prices with the cost of other things. They might say, 'Wow - those shoes cost as much as a sofa!' Well, this may be true, but the comparison is so silly. After all, you can't wear a sofa.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
People
Shoes
Silly
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How to Tell If Shoes Fit: Walking around the shoe store is not going to tell you any more than test-driving a car around a showroom. And those little mirrors? That's so you can tell how your cat is going to like your shoes. The real way to tell how shoes fit is how badly you want them.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Cat
Mirrors
Real
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The most important thing, of course, is that you should look more stunning than you have ever looked in your life. How many excuses do you have to wear a dress bigger than anyone else's, at a party just for you, where everyone has to burst into tears from how gorgeous you look while you prance around in front of them? Remember, your lifelong happiness depends on this one article of clothing. If it doesn't look good, you're not a bride. You're just some idiot in a big white thing - a color unflattering to about 93 percent of the population.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Color
Party
White
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By about a week before the big day, you will have received less than half of your invitation response cards. Panic sets in when it occurs to you that everyone invited will actually show up. You couldn't have made it easier for your guests. You have included a card that had boxes for 'will attend' or 'will not attend.' You included a pre-addressed, stamped envelope. How inconvenient could it be for them simply to check it off and drop it in in a mailbox? Very inconvenient. You, evil bride-to-be, are confronting two basic human fears. A terror of correspondence and the dread of decision-making.
Mimi Pond / Cartoonist
Decision
Evil
Two
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Mimi Pond Quotes - Page 1

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