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I believe that if a guy doesn't offer to pay the whole thing when he asks you on a date, he wasn't taught right. But I also believe if a woman on a date allows him to pay for the whole thing without at least offering to pay half, she wasn't taught right.
Think of your early dates as a chance to leave clues about your expectations with a little technique called pre-framing. Say: 'My friend gets annoyed because her boyfriend never opens the car door for her. It's a shame when guys don't do those little things.'
Once a date asked me what I do, so I said that my company empowers women in their dating lives. Her response? 'Aw, that's so cute!' Cute is how my babysitter described me when I was 7 years old. Simple fix: Replace cute with hot and he'll feel like James Bond.
Firstly, there is no perfect man. Looking for that it worse than starting the race badly, it means you're in the wrong race. What women should be searching for is their ideal man - i.e. the one whose values, beliefs and outlook on life synergise with their own.
Women leave my seminars with a level of confidence they didn't have before. They can go out, meet people, start conversations and have a good time. They don't have to worry about waiting for someone great to come along as they know they have the tools to make it happen.
Just because someone isn't allowing you to pay for the date, it doesn't mean you can't contribute on some level. For example, if someone took you for dinner and a movie, they may have paid for the dinner, they may have paid for the movie tickets, but then you buy the popcorn.
There is a lot of stigma and snobbiness about the self-help genre, and I can't vouch for everything out there, but for me, the idea of giving someone else the gift of inspiration and making them feel passionate and capable in an area of their life is the most incredible thing in the world.
Plenty of casual daters will throw you off with maddening phrases like 'I'm just enjoying having fun with you.' This doesn't make them a bad person, but it's your call now how to respond. Just don't assume 'having fun' or any such cliche means they're going to suddenly decide they want a relationship next week.
Many men I come across see women in an antagonistic way, and it's always the basis for a bad relationship. What I mean by that is men who come with pre-conceived notions that women are trying to tie them down, or hold them back, or that women are shallow, or that women are only attracted to money, or whatever it is.
Women in their thirties are much more nervous about dating. They feel time is 'running out for them. They want to get married and have a family. The women I see in their forties and fifties know what they want. They are amazing, confident women with good jobs, but they are just struggling to find someone who is their equal.
We live in a very mollycoddled society where the slightest bit of discomfort is seen as wrong, but that discomfort is there for a reason. It's supposed to trigger some form of action, some form of change, a realization of a truth - something, and I think the self-help world has you believing that you should be happy all the time.
Is it ok to sometimes be shy?Yes, of course. The point is,that being that way all the time and using it as an excuse to never be the opposite of shy,it's not good. It's not good for your life, your interactions,strenght of character and how diverse and interesting you can be. You are MORE than shy. Don't be labeled, be what you wanna be in any given moment. And DO what WORKS, not what you think you are.