Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
When DVDs finally disappear, I'm going to be sad. I'll miss the commentaries.
This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson
We've been running a little behind schedule. But only by about 15 years or so.
I'm not going to stop torturing myself till I figure out the cause of my pain.
Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.
If people only knew how much I secretly hated them, they'd love me for holding it in.
You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." Homer Simpson
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson
When you're as important as I am, getting your feelings hurt by me is almost an honor.
You've got to embrace the future. You can whine about it, but you've got to embrace it.
I was always frightened by taverns. They just seemed like very unpleasant places to go.
I think human beings probably resonate with audiences more than bunnies, but who knows?
But we all had an agreement to let each other get away with everything! That's Capitalism!
Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to be particularly proud of, either.
Part of the fun of being alive is knowing that you're annoying the hell out of someone else.
Well, most grown-ups forget what it was like to be a kid. I vowed that I would never forget.
Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same.
Everybody doesn't have to get every joke. People really appreciate not being condescended to.
But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
It's just hard not to listen to TV: it's spent so much more time raising us than parents have.
Basically, everything I try to do is to present an alternative to what somebody else is doing.
No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson
The French are funny, sex is funny, and comedies are funny, yet no French sex comedies are funny.
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!
I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I will do it again.
How can I be expected to love someone who tries such crude manipulations as bringing me breakfast in bed?
My standard comment is, If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson.
A woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces...I just know they're about to jab me with something.
Because good writing in a TV cartoon is so rare, I think the animation on The Simpsons is often overlooked.
My standard comment is, 'If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson.'
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.
Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
I would prefer to listen to a French classical composer like Olivier Messiaen than to the pop hits of the day.
The world ends when I die. And as far as I'm concerned, the rest of the universe might as well call it a day too.
Lisa: 'Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?' Homer: 'Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.'
You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.
Warning signs that lover is bored: 1. Passionless kisses 2. Frequent sighing 3. Moved, left no forwarding address.
For some reason, a lot of Hollywood big shots are curious to see how they'd be drawn with bulging eyes and no chin.
I'm a fan of animation and so, the more stuff that doesn't look like the other stuff that's out there, I'm in favor.
I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
Anxiety and hostility seem to be a great part of good and bad humor. Examining humor too closely does seem to destroy it.
Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.
'The Simpsons' is about alienation and the ambivalence of living with a family who you love but who drive you completely crazy.
Cartooning is for people who can't quite draw and can't quite write. You combine the two half-talents and come up with a career.
Actually, I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.