Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick; but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.
Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.
I am as prompt as a clock, if I only know the day a thing is wantedotherwise I am a natural procrastinaturalist.
Education that consists in learning things and not the meaning of them is feeding upon the husks and not the corn
A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors.
The more you join with people in their joys and their sorrows, the more nearer and dearer they come to be to you.
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity. That is where the true evil lies.
A man's first duty is to his own conscience and honor; the party and country come second to that, and never first.
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
It is not a new thing for a thoroughly good and well-meaning preacher´s soft heart to run away with his soft head.
Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season.
We were surprised how closely the cuckoo imitated the clock-and yet, of course, it could never have heard a clock.
You have heretofore found out, by my teachings, that man is a fool; you are now aware that woman is a damned fool.
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.
All religions issue bibles again Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.
I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.
He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
As a rule we develop a borrowed European idea forward, and ... Europe develops a borrowed American idea backwards.
The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.
Who would find out that I am a natural fool if I kept always cool and never let nature come to the surface? Nobody.
How unfortunate and how narrowing a thing it is for a man to have wealth who makes a god of it instead of a servant
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
In all my travels the thing that has impressed me the most is the universal brotherhood of man-what there is of it.
No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.
My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess; second, don't drink - to excess; third, don't marry - to excess.
Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?
To arrive at a just estimate of a renowned man's character one must judge it by the standards of his time, not ours.
The proverb says that Providence protects children and idiots. This is really true. I know because I have tested it.
In Boston they ask, how much does he know? In New York, how much is he worth? In Philadelphia, who were his parents?
In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, one when he was a boy and one when he was a man
Such is professional jealousy; a scientist will never show any kindness for a theory which he did not start himself.
More than once I had seen a noble who had gotten his enemy at a disadvantage stop to pray before cutting his throat.
The partitions of the houses were so thin we could hear the women occupants of adjoining rooms changing their minds.
If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people
Eternal rest sounds comforting in the pulpit; well, you try it once, and see how heavy time will hang on your hands.
The old Irish when immersing a babe at baptism left out the right arm so that it would remain pagan for good fighting
One gains at least two to three times more experience grabbing the tiger by the tail than reading about it in a book.
I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.
The xmas holidays have this high value: that they remind Forgetters of the Forgotten, & repair damaged relationships.
I thoroughly believe that any man who's got anything worthwhile to say will be heard if he only says it often enough.
Trial by jury is the palladium of our liberties. I do not know what a palladium is, but I am sure it is a good thing!
Only when a republic's life is in danger should a man uphold his government when it is wrong. There is no other time.
His head was an hour-glass; it could stow an idea, but it had to do it a grain at a time, not the whole idea at once.
isn't so astonishing, the number of things that I can remember, as the number of things I can remember that aren't so.
I have never seen what to me seemed an atom of proof that there is a future life. And yet-I am inclined to expect one.