Mark Twain Quotes - Page 24

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When it comes down to pure ornamental cursing, the native American is gifted above the sons of men.

...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.

I do not know what we should do without the pulpit. We could better spare the sun-the moon, anyway.

Information appears to stew out of me naturally, like the precious otter of roses out of the otter.

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

Experience, the only logic sure to convince a diseased imagination and restore it to rugged health.

What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must.

A Patriot is someone who stands for his country always, and for his government when it is deserved.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter.

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.

What a lie it is to call this a free country, where none but the unworthy and undeserving may swear.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

There's a good spot tucked away somewhere in everybody. You'll be a long time finding it, sometimes.

The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad - but whiskey!

Indeed, none but the Deity can tell what is good luck and what is bad before the returns are all in.

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.

Christianity will doubtless still survive in the earth ten centuries hence- stuffed and in a museum.

My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one.

No man has an appreciation so various that his judgment is good upon all varieties of literary work.

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

There have been innumerable Temporary Seekers after the Truth-have you ever heard of a permanent one?

If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.

Nature makes the locust with an appetite for crops; man would have made him with an appetite for sand

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.

[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery; it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.

But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!

They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session.

Human beings seem to be a poor invention. If they are the noblest works of God where is the ignoblest?

The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy.

We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

You cant reach old age by another man's road, my habits protect my life but they would assassinate you

There isn't a Parallel of Latitude but thinks it would have been the Equator if it had had its rights.

Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

It is a worthy thing to fight for one's freedom; it is another sight finer to fight for another man's.

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