I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.

When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction.

We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.

There are no grades of vanity; there are only grades of ability in concealing it.

Carlyle said 'a lie cannot live.' It shows that he did not know how to tell them.

Many people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters.

Life becomes fully understandable only the moment we realise that we are all mad.

How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before.

Damn these human beings; if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.

The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment.

That optimist of yours is always ready to turn hell's backyard into a play-ground.

Custom is, to think a handsome thing in private but tame it down in the utterance.

Take your mind out every now and then and dance on it. It is getting all caked up.

Loyalty to the Nation all the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.

Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.

The highest pleasure to be got out of freedom, and having nothing to do, is labor.

A powerful agent is the right word: it lights the reader's way and makes it plain.

There is not a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American.

Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

I have always been rather better treated in San Francisco than I actually deserved.

Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.

Some people bring joy wherever they go, and some people bring joy whenever they go.

If you want to change the future, you must change what you're doing in the present.

It must be well-nigh a maximum of sense to behave so that one escapes being hanged.

She kept up her compliments, and I kept up my determination to deserve them or die.

... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Until I came to New Mexico, I never realized how much beauty water adds to a river.

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.

There are two things nobody should ever have to watch being made, sausage and laws.

Now I can only pray that there may be a God -- and a heaven -- or something better.

I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.

Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics.

If you take epitaphs seriously, we ought to bury the living and resurrect the dead.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

Nearly all black and brown skins are beautiful, but a beautiful white skin is rare.

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.

If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat.

I never smoke to excess - that is, I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.

Unexpected money is a delight. The same sum is a bitterness when you expected more.

If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer.

Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

All I care to know about a man is that he is a human being... he can't be any worse.

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