Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak.
What is human life? The first third a good time; the rest remembering about it.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
S'pose a man was to come to you and say Pollyvoo-franzy - what would you think?
The inability to forget is far more devastating than the inability to remember.
I hate editors, for they make me abandon a lot of perfectly good English words.
Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people.
One can enjoy a rainbow without necessarily forgetting the forces that made it.
There are only two types of speakers in the world. 1. The nervous and 2. Liars.
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular one is Providence.
Cold! If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd all have frozen to death!
We may not doubt that society in heaven consists mainly of undesirable persons.
Next to possessing genius one's self is the power of appreciating it in others.
Genius, like gold and precious stones, is chiefly prized because of its rarity.
Simplified spelling is all right, but, like chastity, you can carry it too far.
In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
Tis Better to Sit there and LOOK the fool, than to open your mouth and prove it.
Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia.
When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.
One may make their house a palace of sham, or they can make it a home, a refuge.
Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.
Education is what you must acquire without any interference from your schooling.
If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.
A street in Constantinople is a picture which one ought to see once-not oftener.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
I told you this would happen. But, no, you had to go for the buffet, didn't you?
Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.
The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire.
Man never creates, he only recombines the lines and colors of his own existance.
I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago.
A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology.
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.
To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes calamity of so long life.
We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.
A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditch digging.
The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word.
It is not best to use our morals weekdays, it gets them out of repair for Sunday.
There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars.
Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?