Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I'm not for everyone. I'm barely for me.
I look at every book as a self-help book.
I was married once before, and I stopped.
Hopefully standup will become special again.
The next evolutionary step is into the screen.
Is it hard to make a living in show business? Yeah.
For my next trick I will make everyone understand me.
Surveillance induced morality: relics of cultural retardation.
There's a fine line between cultural criticism and bitterness.
I'm proud to be part of a generation where reading is a 'look.'
I'm not completely sure we aren't all living in a hallucination now.
The way I figure it, if you can't tell I'm high by looking at me, I win.
It's easy to maintain your integrity when no one is offering to buy it out.
When I was a young kid I loved Don Rickles, Buddy Hackett and Jackie Vernon.
My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.
Art is supposed to punch you in the brain, and it's supposed to stay punched.
On some level any appearance on Television can be seen as a product endorsement.
You can't avoid pain in life. It's how you handle pain, that's what defines you.
I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.
The bile makes it better. I am an information wasting machine - 100s of words a day.
You hope to see an arc of growth in your ability to become a character on television.
Faith in the face of disappointment is only enhanced by laughter in the face of pain.
Your insecurity and neediness is what makes you a big neurotic ball of comedy genius.
Dogs are too much to handle. I don't need anything in my house that's needier than me.
Left wing, right wing, I am wingless and tired of trying to fly. Here comes the ground.
Most of my comedy writing happens through improvisation on stage; doing it in the moment.
We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.
When you actually meet the devil and he offers you a deal most artists eventually negotiate.
I think things evolve into jokes. I don't generally write them down as jokes. I talk them out.
I didn't really want to kill myself, it just made me feel better to know I could if I wanted to.
In the sixties and seventies you could probably name all the great comics. It was still special.
In most cases the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.
Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'
I’m glad to be part of the war on sadness. I’m a part time employee of the illusion that keeps people stupid.
I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career.
There's nothing more horrifying than the possibility or the idea that you will just fade away into obscurity.
I always thought I was funny, but I was very sensitive, and very provocative just to get a rise out of people.
There's something about cats' self-sufficiency and their seemingly individualistic ways that I find compelling.
I'm weird; I have a very strange emotional memory. I really somehow hold on to even passing moments with people.
I don't seek controversy. I don't seek to antagonize. Sometimes it happens, but I'm not there to argue politics.
I don't make a list of questions. Ever. I think a lot of my interviews are driven by my need to feel connection.
He does have that weird mixture of born again Christian and stupid that some people mistake for courage and focus.
Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on.
Buying my wife a gun sort of like me saying, ' You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise'.
I've become less angry and a little more humble by age and by experience and by going through the ups and downs of life.
Americans don't understand irony? I am an intelligent person living in the United States. My entire existence is ironic.
I have a very primitive sense that if I just turn on a radio or the television, that somebody's playing that stuff for me.
I'm sad to see the passing of the great drug warriors. I certainly did my part in that battle and I don't regret any of it.
I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world.
I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.