Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining.
The larger picture is really to swing people's awareness of what really is moral.
What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.
Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
What goes up must come down. But don't expect it to come down where you can find it.
When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis!
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
I still believe that sex is dirty. It's just that now I wouldn't have it any other way.
I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They'd eaten each other.
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it's imposssible to keep up.
I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
There's nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, 'I didn't do it right'.
When I've had a meltdown, people will say to me, "Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor."
I especially love 'Web Therapy' and I did 'Eastbound and Down' too. I had a lot of fun doing that.
If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.
There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
We're giving jobs to people who would otherwise be out of work if we weren't exploiting cheap labor.
9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn't really happened, but it has come closer.
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone
Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
If you have a dog or a cat, you know how developed they can be. How sensitive, how aware. They suffer. We all do.
Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
I worry about kids today - because of the sexual revolution, they're going to grow up and never know what "dirty" means.
If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed.
If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.
The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pocket - The road to success is always under construction
I feel some part of me can wake up and be very existential and the next day wake up and be sort of in love with the universe.
Wouldn't it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.
What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.
People hire me to create some kind of archetype or some culture type, or something. I guess they accept whatever I come up with.
But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.
Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that's the truth.
Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.
I guess that's one of the reasons that you do it - work all the time - because it's sort of a high to find something that really works.
Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.
Having a real public outlet is how you imprint something for yourself. It's just a matter of timing. It's like you've marked your territory.
I was always empathetic with animals. It's a terrible and self-involved point of view that we do something because someone else is exploitable.
When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.
I mean yes to act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting.
You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.
I wonder what it would be like if we all became what we wanted to be when we grew up? I mean, imagine a world filled with nothing but firemen, cowboys, nurses and ballerinas.
You don't really need to get married, but marriage is awfully nice. Everybody I know who got married, they say it really makes a difference. They feel very, very happy about it.
I never officially came out in any kind of really public way. I just always lived very simply and openly, but the press has never made a big fuss about me or said anything to me.
Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.
Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.