Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I came to London with a girl. We lived together and split up very quickly. I was on my own in London so started going to comedy clubs.
My first recollection of performing was shortly after my parents split up, so the logical conclusion to draw is that that affected me.
Bobby Ball, who plays my dad in 'Not Going Out,' is very funny. He has a magical sense for comedy that nobody has been able to replicate.
There are probably about 50 comedians who would come to my 50th birthday party but I'm not sure how many of them would come to my funeral.
Everyone told me that British sitcom was dead. Then I looked at 'Seinfeld' and 'Frasier' and thought, 'No it's not, it just needs more gags.'
The best comedy you can ever have is when you're in the pub with your mates. You can never beat that. That's what I try to recreate in stand-up.
The default position now is that comedians do Twitter but I don't know why. Every bad story you see about a comedian has a connection to Twitter.
I remember being captivated by Steve Coogan and Eddie Izzard and wanting to do what they did. That generation of comedians was my main influence.
When people say, 'I don't like laughter on a TV show', I think, 'How do you cope when you're watching a stand-up gig live?' - it's the same thing!
I suppose if your parents die in their 50s and you are approaching 50, you see that you are definitely not in the first half of your life any more.
The truth is that I don't really understand the concept of having an old-fashioned sense of humour, because to me fashion is about clothes not comedy.
We have all said things that are offensive when taken out of context. You don't need to tell the public to be repelled. They will tell you they are repelled.
When I was little, I used to get a comic - 'Cheeky Weekly' - which was a weekly comic whose main character was Cheeky. I used to get 'Roy of the Rovers,' too.
When I'm on tour I just ring up the theatres, book it and go on. You can pretty much go on tour when you want but you can't just make a telly show when you want.
Going on stage is a performance, it's an act; you're playing a version of yourself. I don't give it a lot of thought. I clock on, I tell jokes, I clock off again.
In TV, you get driven to work in a luxury car, and find flowers in your dressing room. Then suddenly you're on tour, drying your hair backstage on plastic curtains.
It's funny, because when you tell people you've stopped drinking, there's an automatic reaction. People ask, 'Was it a lifestyle choice or were you waking up in a skip?'
Since 'The Office,' everyone has this idea that comedy is only good if it reflects the way people really speak. But that's nonsense - and it's a problem unique to comedy.
I don't know how I've managed to reach the age of 45 as a professional comedian and not watched more 'Simpsons,' considering everyone says it's one of the best shows ever.
Before Twitter, if comedians wrote what they had for lunch on a Post-it and put it through your letterbox you wouldn't find it acceptable - but now apparently it is on Twitter.
London's got less of a group identity because it's a melting pot and it's bigger. Whereas if you're from Glasgow or Newcastle or wherever, the group atmosphere is already there.
Comics were always the lowest rung on the ladder, front of cloth at the Royal Variety Performance. What that means is you're only there so Take That can set up behind the curtains.
My wife and I have always thought it odd that, on social occasions, couples play the 'hot tub fantasy' game where you're allowed to pick a celebrity you'd like to share a hot tub with.
Now and again I'll bump into people and say, 'I'm a big fan of yours. Would you like to be in my sitcom?' And they say, 'Oh yes,' but when it comes to the booking, they don't want to do it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm under no illusions, I've got a very old-school, mainstream leaning to the way I present my comedy because I actually like jokes and don't just do observational stuff.
Genuinely my big thing and the reason I'm in 'The Miser' is because I always ask myself one simple question when I'm offered anything: Will it get me nearer to being 'Doctor Who' or further away?
I could have done a night at the O2 in London, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm not being big-headed, but for my act I can't be talking to an audience of 12,000 people. There's no intimacy.
I know comedians who go on weird day trips in order to have random experiences they can talk about. They'll go on their own to Thorpe Park waiting for something hilarious to happen. That's really sad.
From the age of 14, I remember thinking I wanted to be a comedian. But that was like saying I wanted to be an astronaut. It felt like a million miles away, something I could never do, but would be great to.
I'd been travelling in Romania. It was 1990, just after the revolution and you couldn't buy anything so we'd been eating basic food. We went to McDonald's and, I'm ashamed to say, it was wonderful. I hate McDonald's normally.
I'm terrified of flying and have tried everything from prescription drugs to booze and herbal remedies. The only thing that works is Valium. I don't know why I'm so frightened - I think it's from seeing my mum freak out when I was young.
Looking back at my school reports, I start off as quite a swotty kid, and then when I get to 12 or 13, my teachers start saying: 'Lee has started to joke around a lot in class.' After that, it's a steady graph of decline, with the jokes increasing and increasing.
Neck-down comedy was no longer valid after the 1980s alternative comedy revolution. Everything became about the cerebral. And with that came positive things - it helped get rid of some of the sexism and homophobia - but it also meant a lot of physical comedy was lost.
When men sit around and talk, they are very competitive. One person will tell an anecdote and the next person will try to top that. When you get six women together, they share a lot more. They will be far more interested in what the other person has to say. The conservation is more interactive and less about individually showing off.
