Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.
Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.
There is a difference between who is important and who is significant.
If Raymond Chandler came from the South, his name would be Ace Atkins.
William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.
My goal as a young man, to be fat, famous and financially fixed by 50.
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
If you're paranoid long enough, sooner or later you're gonna be right.
No matter where you go, you always see yourself in the rearview mirror.
Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...
There are more inspirational people in music than there are in politics.
If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm.
Remember, I'm not running against Rick Perry; I'm running against apathy.
If Jesus Christ had run as an independent, Rick Perry would have beat him.
The Ten Commandments being taken out of the public schools. I want them back.
He looked a shade too healthy and nobody likes that. Particularly in New York.
The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.
The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.
When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.
Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.
Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her.
Sometimes performing someone else's song is more difficult than writing your own.
Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.
How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?
Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
My definition of an artist is anyone who's ahead of his time and behind on his rent.
The system is not perfect. Until it's perfect, let's do away with the death penalty.
We're all worm bait waiting to happen. It's what you do while you wait that matters.
Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.
I am not anti-death penalty, but I'm damned sure anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed.
The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.
I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.
I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.
No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.
Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.
I've got a head of hair better than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.
Simón Bolívar is the only person in history to be exiled from a country named after him.
You don't accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that.
I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
On the whole I prefer cats to women because cats seldom if ever use the word 'relationship'.
If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!
There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979
Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot.
One thing we are sure of is there's no one like Nelson Mandela out there. That's too bad for us.
All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.
I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.
I came from an upper-middle class home, which is always a hard cross for a country singer to bear.
People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they're not getting it.
You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.
I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.