Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.
I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.
I worked for a temp agency called Manpower.
I like to stuff myself at Thanksgiving, not turkeys.
I'm probably more of a stand-up comedian than an actor.
I think having a child makes you calm down. You sit still.
Marriage is great. It'll calm you down - that and neutering.
Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want.
You see things through a different lens when you have a child.
Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing.
A special validates you as a stand-up by documenting your material.
Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled.
As an actor, you're always reading scripts looking for something good.
I've noticed a surge when I go out somewhere, or if I'm doing stand-up.
I met Adam Sandler through 'Saturday Night Live,' and we became friends.
If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit.
It seems like all the sitcoms on now, the families are kind of dysfunctional.
I play a lot of sports. I'm not real good at any of them. I'm above adequate.
I don't mind seeing two guys kissing, you know, as long as they're clean-shaven.
All I ever wanted to do was stand-up. It kind of charges me and gives me a rush.
Breaking News: Winds so strong in NYC The Statue of Liberty's gown just blew off!
I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.
As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit.
I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.
Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.
You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the person you're with.
The good thing about 'Weeds' now is, I get to play some dramatic parts in that as well.
I recently purchased an iPad 2 because I didn't want to wait for the iPad 3 and iPad 4.
Curb Your Enthusiasm, is not so much about Hollywood. It's more about Larry's weaknesses.
Any day that is designated to shower the person you love with love is my favorite holiday.
If you want a transcript of tonight's program, get a pen and write down everything I said.
I am very romantic. In fact, I just renewed my vows... although it was with another woman.
I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper
'The Outer Limits' was one of those shows I grew up watching - that and The 'Twilight Zone.'
I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper.
My heart started running away, like a pack of horses. Then it slowed down and became irregular.
I tried to read the Bible, I did, but it always felt like a much less awesome Lord of the Rings.
When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together.
When you discover that you are going to have a child, it stirs up memories of your own childhood.
It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold!
I always tell people if you think you are susceptible to a blood clot, go check with your doctor.
I really like to read when I'm eating - 'The New York Times' or the 'Wall Street Journal,' paper version.
You really have to be ambitious and have that drive to really become well known and successful as a standup.
It's kind of fun when you're playing characters that aren't quite on the up and up and people still like you.
When a show has been on for so long, you lose fans, you gain fans. I remember this from 'Saturday Night Live.'
I was 5-foot-8 when I graduated high school, but then I shot up to 6-foot-4 and got more into playing basketball.
You don't want to throw out a good idea and have nobody get excited about it. It takes the wind out of your sails.
The ethical argument regarding abortion hinges on the question of when life begins. Some believe life begins at forty.
I've done this commercial with Arnold Palmer. He doesn't play that much anymore, but it'd be fun to have him in the cart.
I like YouTube; it's really entertaining. A lot of it is crappy stuff, but there are a couple diamonds in the rough there.