Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I have a no-apology policy.
My act is based on my life.
I'm basically always on tour.
I am in love with Larry David.
I love to work. I love doing standup.
That's life when you're on the D-list.
Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.
Always and Forever is a Grandmothers love
I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.
A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor.
I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.
So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.
Remember, folks, I am a comedian, not a journalist.
If there is a gay army, I am their warrior princess.
My act has always reflected what's going on in my life.
I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming.
I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.
I feel more people can relate to the D-list than the A-list.
I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am.
Life is adventure. Travel is adventure at a different address.
I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men.
Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.
I don't like doing movies, period. Movies are hard. I like TV.
I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly.
I love Mariah Carey. Remember the breakdown? I loved the breakdown.
So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it.
Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.
I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun.
Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.
I actually have to pick and chose stuff that I know I'm going to bomb at.
If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.
I have to tell you, though, the sexism in late night talk is so profound.
It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.
But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.
I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I'm still on the D-list.
I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.
I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.
I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners.
When I see you, I smile. When I touch you, I feel you. When I kiss you, I love you!
No one teaches you how to do this. How do you let go of someone who you love so much?
The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are.
To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.
I do road gigs occasionally but I don't want to go out on the road for months at a time.
I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.
It was sweaty Whitney (Houston) in Central Park. She knew that park pretty well. Every bush!
I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.
I'm saying that she (Whitney Houston) looks great for a singer... the way Courtney Love is a singer.
No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.