Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I get annoyed a lot with things.
If you can't trust people, who can you trust?
I enjoy laughing at other people being funny.
Successful comedians are just as neurotic as I am.
It's rare in satirical comedy not just to be cynical.
I don't get hangovers - it's some kind of superhuman ability.
The thing about stand-up is that you end up meeting your idols.
I think to keep yourself fresh, you need to try different things.
I don't like thinking too much about the future - it freaks me out.
I don't get starstruck by Hollywood celebrities as I'm not into films.
Always thinking that you're not very good is far better than being cocky.
I'm one of life's pessimists. I'm ready for everything to go wrong at any moment.
I love my wife and daughters, but there are times you want to put them in the bin.
There's enough really good actors out of work without me trying to steal any of it.
I've got no pretence that I want to do 'Hamlet' or anything, I know my limitations.
What sitcom's brilliant at is identifying a social movement or type and skewering it.
Pointless' - I think it's probably the greatest daytime TV show that has ever existed.
Having an awful landlord can be a good thing, it can bring you together as a household.
I'm lucky that I don't have any big regrets. Maybe that undercut hairstyle from my youth.
I shrunk my favourite jeans in my first week of university. I'd never done a wash before.
There are lots of comic bosses and fathers in sitcoms, but the comic landlord remains rare.
I loved 1990s television: 'The Fast Show,' 'Father Ted,' 'Harry Enfield.' 'Clive Anderson Talks Back.'
Most people I was at school with, if they saw me on telly, wouldn't know I'd been at school with them.
Nothing unites a group more than a common enemy, be it the Soviet Union or Nasty Nick from 'Big Brother.'
Stand-up wasn't a calling. It was more like, 'What can I do that isn't going to make me really depressed?'
I see myself primarily as a comedian, and my aim on the 'Last Leg' is to be as funny as I can about the news.
Can I do an impression of me? I don't think I can. It would be the most self-confronting thing you could ever do.
What I've learnt from 'Friends' is don't let the characters get together because then it won't be as good afterwards.
I've learnt that from stand-up - you should always worry that it's going to go badly, otherwise you're too laissez faire.
When I was a kid I didn't watch TV that was targeted specifically at me. I watched 'The Day Today,' 'Shooting Stars,' 'Father Ted.'
I enjoy writing but I wouldn't want to do it all the time because generally you are not writing about things you want to write about.
I'll tell you what 'The Simpsons' is really good at. They'll describe something, you don't see it, and it's funnier when you describe it.
I'd hope that when Channel 4 started, 'The Last Leg' was the kind of show it wanted to be putting out. I think they're really proud of it.
I don't think you can only have people with disability talking about the Paralympics. Clare Balding didn't need to be disabled to cover it.
The owner of one club once interrupted my set to inform me that my taxi had arrived. I don't think he meant it to sound as cutting as it did.
I'm not one of those stand ups that's going to write a show about a big subject or try and tell you about the death of a parent or something.
My favourite was 'Fantasy Football League.' I thought it would be the most exciting thing ever to be friends with Frank Skinner and David Baddiel.
Comedy has got me all these opportunities and I enjoy doing a variety of things. I can't really believe I've got the chance to have my own radio show.
Never have I got on better with my flatmates than when our landlord installed a dodgy deadlock and locked us out of our flat for a full Friday evening.
If one of my friends said they'd written a little role for me in a sitcom, I'd definitely do it and I'd enjoy it. But I have no interest in being a serious actor.
Looking back at that now I shudder at my naivety: while 'Men Behaving Badly' remains a brilliant sitcom, how did I ever aspire to Gary and Tony's eternal adolescence?
As students, we completely failed with the washing up. You'd constantly have to eat out of the wrong receptacle. You'd end up with a cup of cornflakes or a plate of tea.
Woody Allen's 'The Complete Prose' - It's just the best selection of comic writing by one author. You know it's good comedy when you get quite demoralised about yourself.
I have never bought into this view that some people have that the job of the comedian is to espouse opinions and change the world - I think the job of a comedian is to be funny.
I grew up watching 'The Office' and 'Father Ted' and all the British things at that time - 'The Royle Family' - and the American ones like 'Friends,' 'Frasier' and 'The Simpsons.'
The great thing about a pilot is you can make your mistakes and no-one sees them... Or they see them on iPlayer and it gets taken off a year later, to be disposed of or whatever's happened to it.
I don't buy into the phrase 'comedy genius.' It's like football; you can have the talent, but 90 per cent is hard work, the other ten per cent is trying to make it all look as natural as possible.
The way people do an impression of me is they use the phrase, 'Who are these people who do this... ?' Then they do some not-quite-good-enough observational humour, which is the most offensive thing.
Sitcom writing is difficult because it's not just about writing jokes - there's a very fine balance between characters, plot, and comedy, that if you get one thing wrong, the whole castle comes falling down.
I would never ever want to be an actor playing anyone other than myself. I can't do voices or anything. No, it's not for me. There are lots of people who are trained actors and I feel it's offensive for me to do it.