Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
At the end of your life, do you give a concession speech?
Nathan Lane's Bus of Broadway Fun will be leaving shortly.
I know change can be painful. But from change comes growth.
Like everyone else, I want to sleep with Leonardo DiCaprio.
Oh my god... Kerry is boring even when Bush is reading him.
Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?
If you try to hit a grand slam, you’re going to strike out.
When you are actually powerful, you don't need to be petty.
That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1973.
California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils.
A guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking.
I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around.
Sarah Palin has been tagged and released back into the wild.
Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.
No, I live in New Jersey because I like living in New Jersey.
I can only fight back in a way that I feel like I'm talented.
When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?
I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.
It's not really a good sign when your audience applauds Satan.
We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.
I like a lot of wheels. If I could have eight wheels, I would.
How refreshing. A suspect beaten up BEFORE the LAPD showed up.
The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!'
Nothing brings closure to a campaign like opening it up again.
I don't consider myself a serious and social political critic.
What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?
Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.
I only find out where countries are when we start bombing them.
It's nice to know that [God] can destroy us in a myriad of ways.
The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.
Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke.
I want you to admit that there is such a thing as white privilege.
Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.
Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.
College is something you complete. Life is something you experience.
Watching Fox, that's like watching the Cartoon Network. Fox is nuts.
We are going to be raising a generation of mentally impaired people.
It's funny how everyone hates witch hunts... until they see a witch.
Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating.
I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.
People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.
Oh press - must you spread hate? Can't you just stick to being wrong?
The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke.
It's harder to eat meat when you know the animal's name...I have found.
I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on.
You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.
[Doogal] wasn't even animated. It was still and the audience had to move.