Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
You're your own play.
It's like hunting cows
I have a lot of hostility.
Thus, I've created humour.
Here it is. My moment of zen.
I feel like [God]'s hazing us.
I want a sandwich named after me.
I kid because I'm on basic cable.
Poor people have sh*tty lobbyists.
I feel your scorn, and I accept it.
Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.
Clearly, I'm way older than everyone.
This show is our own personal beliefs.
If you smell something, say something.
Well, I'm sold. I'll take one America.
You cannot judge a book by its contents.
It's a wonder our country doesn't implode.
I don't think marijuana should be illegal.
Everyone just needs to get over themselves.
Honestly, folks, I think my brain is broken.
Sometimes it's hard to face your own...life.
Technology. It's like science, only useless.
If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.
The Vietnam war was fought over portion size.
I can't believe I'm comforting a billionaire.
Stephen Colbert is also then turned into news.
Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government
The government that governs best, governs best!
Nobody out-rednecks the great state of America.
Evil is relatively rare. Ignorance is epidemic.
What good are images if people understand them?
As an adolescent, Vonnegut made my life bearable.
We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.
Don't censor yourself to comfort their ignorance.
The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan.
I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.
[Hugh Jackman is] an Adamantium-laced Fred Astaire.
My friend Bill O’Reilly is completely full of sh*t.
It's always funny until the hooker mentions her son.
Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.
Do you know how many movies I wrote when I was high?
No one is better at not beating America than England.
Congress, the legislative stone in America's urethra.
I never thought I'd say this, but I miss voter fraud.
'Powell movement.' What do you think 'PM' stands for?
People! Take to the streets and scream 'BE REASONABLE!'
Senior year is supposed to be about being mentally done.
I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance
The Book of Mormon is so good it makes me f**king angry.
And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.