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Well you see, Brazilian JiuJitsu Blackbelts have a blackbelt in...... Brazilian JiuJitsu
We have to start treating each other as if we are treating ourselves living another life.
One of the most fascinating lessons I've absorbed about life is that the struggle is good.
In order to be truly great at something you have to give into a certain amount of madness.
Anytime we go to a new town I try to book a show. I literally know nothing about the club.
I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.
On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.
Kindness is one of the best gifts you can bestow... We know that inherently that feels great.
I've been involved in mixed martial arts since 1997 when I first started working for the UFC.
I'll go to church with anyone who's willing to smoke pot and look through a telescope with me.
You want to talk about the word faggot because it really offends you? Well you're a douchebag.
I'm afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.
I’m afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.
Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years.
The key to happiness doesn't lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel.
If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.
I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.
Every single religion that has ever been on the face of the Earth, ever, is a cult. That’s all they are.
A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn't make any sense.
When I started out I was definitely more traditional. It was 1988. Everyone was doing the Jerry Seinfeld.
Build confidence and momentum with each good decision you make from here on out and choose to be inspired.
I think stand is better now than it's ever been. I think it's the greatest time ever to do standup comedy.
The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don't workout.
The sensory deprivation chamber has been the most important tool that I've ever used for developing my mind
My company is called Talking Monkey, Inc. It's because that's what I think all people are: talking monkeys.
Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.
Haters...are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.
People say you can abuse marijuana. You can abuse cheeseburgers. Does that mean we should close Burger Kings.
That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.
Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.
To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.
Life is strange. You keep moving and keep growing. Before you know it, you look back and think, "What was that?"
Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.
People for the most part can smell lies, at least I thought that until I saw audiences applaud at Carlos Mencia.
When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.
The mind is the most important thing of the big picture and no one has a stronger mindset than amateur wrestlers.
It's impossible to measure the type of mental strength and determination that's required to be an elite wrestler.
I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.
I've actually been doing stand up for more than 20 years. I started in 1988. It's almost 30 years! Which is crazy.
Once you understand what excellence is all about... you see how that excellence manifests itself in any discipline.
Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get.
There's only 2 reasons that you hate gay marriage; 1. You're dumb, or 2. You're secretly worried that dicks are delicious.
Greatness and madness are next door neighbours; and they borrow each other's sugar. You don't get there without the other.
The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.
This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.
I realized a long time ago that instead of being jealous you can be inspired and appreciative. It carries more energy to you.
After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird.
I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else.
Like bees creating a beehive or ants creating an anthill we're all moving along creating something and we're not sure what it is.