Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The flute is a weird instrument, especially when played solo.
I definitely talk about stuff I watch, but it's longer-form stuff.
I don't even know if people even care what a 27-year-old Jewish kid thinks about politics.
You should really get some quotes about our show. Noah loves when people talk about him. Negatively or positively.
I grew up watching Letterman, 'Seinfeld,' 'SNL,' and Monty Python movies. But nothing made me want to get into comedy more than when 'Mr. Show' started airing.
I'm a big foodie! I eat, like, three times a day... but most of all, I'm a breathie. Breathing air? That's the best thing in the world! I couldn't go two minutes without breathing.
I got a pit bull from a shelter, so my whole life is centered on this dog, and I've been writing a lot of dog jokes. I should probably give up now, because I'm writing jokes about my dog.
On stage and in person, I think I am nice, thoughtful, and empathetic. But for some reason when I'm online, I become super aggressive and unhinged. I should probably get off of Twitter and see a therapist.
Whatever comedian says he doesn't read comments, I never believe him, because we all have the same pathological problem to see what people think of us, and it sucks, because you try not to take it personally, and people are monsters and idiots.
My first time performing was in the black box theater of my high school's basement as a member of 'Clownaz,' the school's improv team. We charged money for tickets, saying the proceeds went to our school's recycling program. Then, immediately after the show, we divided up all the money and kept it.
Martin Noakes is a British conspiracy theorist who also happens to be maybe the best songwriter in the world, in my opinion. His songs are beautiful. They're crazy. That 9/11 song... no song has ever gotten into my head more. And it's inappropriate. You can't just like walk around singing about "jet fuel doesn't melt steel."