At 57, to have a No. 1 album, I wasn't expecting it.

Drive-in, you guzzle gin, commit a little mortal sin.

Never did I think that I became family entertainment.

If we couldn't laugh, we would all going to go insane.

I made a deal with the devil for a whole lot of money.

I arm myself with punch lines and a big old water gun.

We need more fruitcakes in this world, and less bakers!

When they tried to draft me, I earned a college degree.

Be yourself, be pleasant, play hard and have no regrets.

Don't try to describe the ocean if you've never seen it.

I'd rather die while I'm living then live while I'm dead.

There's a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us.

If I don't die by Thursday, I'll be roaring Friday night.

While my mind is flexible, these brittle bones don't bend.

My occupational hazard is my occupation's just not around.

I just want to live happily ever after, every now and then.

It's a fine line between Saturday night and Sunday morning.

I ain't no drinking man, but temptation got the best of me.

I slowly surrender to the child in me who can't say goodbye.

I'd like to be a jellyfish, 'cause jellyfish don't pay rent.

If there’s a heaven for me, I’m sure it has a beach attached.

People who think too much before they act don't act too much.

Is it ignorance or apathy, I forget the lessons taught to me.

Forget that blind ambition, and learn to trust your intuition.

Is it ignorance or apathy? Hey, I don't know and I don't care.

Mr. Bear, you know in the eyes of the Lord, we're both beasts.

Tell me where are the flashbacks they all warned us would come?

I'm getting old, don't wear underwear, and I don't go to church.

There's damsels in distress out there, and we got all this beer.

I'm inspired by people who keep on rolling, no matter their age.

Songwriters write songs, but they really belong to the listener.

I was suppose to be a Jesuit priest or a naval academy graduate.

We're wanted men, we'll strike again, but first let's have a beer.

We're just recycled history machines, cavemen in faded blue jeans.

What if life is just a cosmic joke, like spiders in your underwear.

Well, I'm still here. Didn't have to go to rehab, and I'm not broke.

Therapy is extremely expensive. Popping bubble wrap is radically cheap.

It takes no more time to see the good side of life than to see the bad.

Live a lie, and you will live to regret it; that's what livin' is to me.

Love is a wave building to a crescendo. Ride if you will, ride it with me.

Whatever thrills you, anything you love to do, just say - Someday, I will.

This morning I shot six holes in my freezer. I think I've got cabin fever.

Wasting away again in Margaritaville, searching for my lost shaker of salt.

I'm living on things that excite me, be they pastry, or lobster, or love...

This imitation Elvis may not be the king, but baby I'm the next best thing.

I don't get tired of playing "Margaritaville". It's paid my bills for years.

Some of it's magic and some of it's tragic but I had a good life all the way.

Give me oysters and beer, for dinner every day of the year, and I'll be fine.

Mirror that lies, mirror that lies, that can't be me in the gorilla disguise.

I know I should be leaving this climate, I've got a verse, but can't rhyme it.

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