Quotes by Jeremy Hardy - Page 1

Most harm is done by people who are awake.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Done
Harm
People
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I'm not terribly ambitious, not terribly driven.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Driven
Terribly
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Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Ideas
Practice
Theory
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The image of my face I hold in my mind is always about 10 years out of date.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Date
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I'm writing a movie script about vampires with an animator called Michael Booth.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Animator
Booth
Vampires
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For years, I've mocked Norfolk and King's Lynn, and now I find out I'm from there!
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Norfolk
Lynn
Mocked
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My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own!
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Daughter
Eleven
Pairs
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I think ageing suits me because I was born old, like Spencer Tracy or Dolly the Sheep.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Ageing
Tracy
Spencer
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Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Britain
Northern Ireland
Photograph
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Why don't people just accept that life is sad and cheer up? After all, it's not going to last for ever.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Cheer
Lasts
People
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You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
War
Father
Mother
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Apparently, some physicists argue that time is curved. I suppose this means that the past is in some way still present.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Apparently
Physicists
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The need to compile lists is a personality disorder, as is the need to assert the superiority of some things over other things.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Lists
Needs
Personality
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The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Hypocrisy
Kicking
Past
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Titles always sound so pretentious, and when I see a comedian, I just want the person to take flight, not stick to one topic or subject.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Comedian
Flight
Pretentious
Titles
Topic
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The thing that interests me most about family history is the gap between the things we think we know about our families and the realities.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Family History
Family History Me
Gap
Realities
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If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Shots
Vote
Would Be
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Marriage is like the witness protection programme: you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs, and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Clothes
Protection
Witness
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I suppose there wasn't a well-worn path into the British space programme because we didn't really have a space programme. Dad was one of the pioneers of it.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Pioneers
Programme
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I love doing 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' on Radio 4. It's my favourite thing to do because it's just daft: it's not about the news. It's not about anything.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Clue
Daft
Favourite
Sorry
Love Doing Anything
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My idea of family is not dominated by blood ties. Families are fragile things, and I think it is social pressure and emotional attachments that keep them together.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Ties
Dominated
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The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
War
Children
Party
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My maternal grandmother had what might be described in a school report as a 'lively imagination.' She told us that she was a direct descendant of Sir Christopher Wren.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Direct
Lively
Report
Christopher
Descendant
Maternal
Sir
Wren
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Being in the latter stages of life means the morning is unkind to the reflection. It takes a few hours for the creases to fall out. By about 4 P.M., I look quite nice.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Latter
Reflection
Unkind
Life Morning Look
Stages
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I love many places to which I have no connection, but identifying an ancestor, or someone I think is an ancestor, has taken me to places I'd never have gone to otherwise.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Identifying
Love Me Never
Ancestors
Love Me Connection
Connection
No Connection
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You can sometimes sneak a political joke in, which is sometimes the most effective place for a political joke - when it's not expected. It's just the most fun thing to do.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Sneak
Effective
Fun Thing
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I feel that our attitude to our borders is wrong; it's the first time that an awful lot of people think you can and should just close your border and remain in this splendid isolation.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Isolation
Splendid
Awful Lot
Border
Attitude Time People
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I suppose I would like to find out more about my grandparents because I knew them when I was too young to grasp that they were interesting people. They were my grandparents, source of treats.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Treats
Grandparents
People Young Find
Interesting People
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It seems a shallow observation, but... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Mean
People
Village
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I've always thought I'd like to be something more exotic than C of E. I can't even say I'm lapsed. You don't lose your faith when you are Church of England - you just can't remember where you left it.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Exotic
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I've never been able to understand how risk-averse my mum is. She hated conkers, pea shooters, and anything that could have someone's eye out: skipping, swinging on your chair, talking with your mouth full.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Chair
Mouth
Skipping
Swinging
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Chemistry seems to be pretty much nailed down, and biology gains ground all the time. But physics seems to be mired in idle rumination. They think a Big Bang started the universe, but they don't really know.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Biology
Chemistry
Gains
Idle
Physics
Seems
Universe
Started
Pretty
Bang
Big Bang
Down
Ground
Mired
Nailed
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Instead of people thinking, 'Oh God, look at this terrible refugee crisis; we must do our bit', there's a lot of people thinking, 'How can we get out of doing our bit and find reasons not to provide sanctuary for these people?'
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Refugee
Sanctuary
Oh God
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I'm in the intriguing position of being a friend of Jeremy Corbyn and knowing him personally. It's quite a strange position to know somebody that's in the news and know the person who they're talking about and taking pictures of.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Intriguing
Jeremy
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All socialists have bad backs because we slouch - except when we're watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms. Generally we sit hunched, arms crossed in a judgemental way, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Body
Judgemental
News
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For me, ancestry is just one thing that connects us to people, and feeling connected to other people is generally a good thing, as long as one kind of connection does not have primacy over all the others. Heredity, race and nationhood are not the best criteria by which to judge our fellow humans.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Ancestry
Criteria
Heredity
Humans
Just One
Primacy
Best Good Long
Best Good Me
Connection
Fellow
Good Thing
Just One Thing
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At the same time as we were seizing the lands that we turned into Iraq, we were devising an interesting future for our new protectorate in Palestine, and simultaneously trying to pacify Ireland, where we hit upon the solution of partition in 1921, thereby securing a peaceful resolution to the conflict only 86 years later.
Jeremy Hardy / Comedian
Conflict
Devising
Ireland
Palestine
Partition
Peaceful
Resolution
Seizing
Lands
Solution
Simultaneously
Thereby
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Jeremy Hardy Quotes - Page 1

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