Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.
I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
I'm an outdoor nut. If I'm not working, I'm on a tractor on my farm, hunting, fishing or climbing a mountain.
You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.
You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.
You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.
You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.
Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.
How is a redneck divorce similar to a tornado? You know that somewhere, somehow, someone is gonna lose a trailer.
Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.
I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.
If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.
Children that play outside develop better problem solving skills and have a stronger ability to work within a group.
The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.
Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.
You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.
You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.
You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?
I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.
You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.
You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.
My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.
If you're a redneck, you have that blood flowing through your veins. That's almost on the bucket list, to hear "Freebird" live.
You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.
You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.
In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.
If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.
The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.