Jeff Foxworthy Quotes - Page 4

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If you don't have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.

You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.

You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.

You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.

You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

If someone at Fleet Farm offers you assistance and they don't work there you might live in Wisconsin.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us.

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.

You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.

You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to Georgia on My Mind.

You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.

When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada

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