Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I'm not a disciplined writer.
All roads lead to my dogs, don't they?
I did not support Operation Desert Fox.
I'm grateful for any opportunity to act.
I do not enjoy when people don't like me.
The term 'celebrity' makes my skin crawl.
Rejection kills, disappointment only maims.
I despise in others my own characteristics.
Sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship.
Is being an idiot like being high all the time?
I don't really have a theatre background at all.
I'm sorry for being me. I won't ever do it again.
Should have dogs before they have kids. Everybody.
I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things.
I'm a sucker for any guy with an accent with any kind.
I would have to say loneliness is next to uncleanliness.
I would prefer to be well-liked in any and all situations.
Nothing translates worse than comedy into the printed word.
I don't enjoy sparring with the audience. It devastates me.
I was too ignorant to realize, "Oh, this will be difficult."
Protesting the color of a man's skin is not a worthy protest.
I'm not a big fan of the comics competing against each other.
This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.
I guess intractable right-wing ideologues are my mortal enemy.
I absolutely realize that a celebrity spokesperson is not ideal.
You can't have cinema by committee if you're trying to do it well.
When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'
We're our own worst enemies a lot of the time, but I still blame men.
Silence does not equal patriotism. Obedience is not the American way.
The Bible, I've said it before, is a beautifully written work of fiction.
Not that I was ever an asshole but I used to be much more of a bulldozer.
I'm not a cook. I like to watch the Food Network, but I don't like to cook.
As you can tell from watching the show, I'm not a strong joke writer per se.
You can tell a lot about a person by how excited they are to do the Macarena.
I don't have a good work ethic. I have a real casual relationship with hours.
To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.
It’s mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.
... being a feminist means that you believe in civil rights and social justice.
I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't.
I don't know who you're referring to exactly who said, 'What has Iraq done to us?'
Iraq is a manufactured conflict for the sake of geopolitical dominance in the area.
There's nothing wrong with the word conspiracy. It just means 'to breathe together.'
People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don`t want to have children.
Evil is in the face of every frat guy that ever raised a beer cup and went "whoooooo!"
I guess when your heart gets broken, you sort of start to see the cracks in everything.
You know, I've had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative.
Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.
Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.
The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
I think we all remember where we were when Rush Hour hit the water. That was an important day.