Quotes by James Veitch - Page 1

I suspect I wasn't loved enough as a child.
James Veitch /
Suspect
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That's the worst health condition you can have, not being alive.
James Veitch /
Condition
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I get a ton of scam emails. But instead of deleting them, I decided to hit reply.
James Veitch /
Decided
Hit
Scam
Emails
Instead
Reply
Ton
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The Internet gave us access to everything; but it also gave everything access to us.
James Veitch /
Access
Internet
Everything
Us
Also
Gave
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I've sent thousands of emails - the conversations in the book are just the success stories.
James Veitch /
Stories
Success Stories
Conversations
Emails
Sent
Thousands
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I just feel so upset when I think of all the lost years when I could have been doing stand-up gigs.
James Veitch /
Gigs
Upset
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I do bits about dating but mainly about what I did and how incompetent I am, not any genuine people writing to me.
James Veitch /
Dating
Bits
Genuine
Incompetent
I Am Me People
Mainly
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Crazy stuff happens when you start replying to scam emails. It's really difficult, and I highly recommend we do it.
James Veitch /
Scam
Emails
Highly
Recommend
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My hobbies are playing piano and guitar, pining for girls, worrying about climate change, pining for girls, and the poetry of John Keats.
James Veitch /
Climate Change
Hobbies
Pining
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People say we live in an age of information overload. Right? I don't know about that, but I just know that I get too many marketing emails.
James Veitch /
Information
Marketing
Overload
Age People Live
Emails
Age Information People
People Say
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Most scams are absurd - so absurd that one wonders how anyone falls for them at all; yet if no one falls for them, how do the scammers make money?
James Veitch /
Absurd
Scams
Falls
Wonders
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A lot of people see scammers as, like, just one guy in a basement with his computer, but actually, I think it's probably almost kind of a call centre.
James Veitch /
Centre
Just One
People See Think
Basement
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I'd really like to be able to whistle with two fingers. Is this a biological thing? Is it to do with the teeth? Who teaches people to do this? How do I learn?
James Veitch /
Fingers
Teeth
People Who Two
Biological
Whistle
People How Who
Teaches
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I think of the spam folder not as Pandora's box but as a costume shop in which you can play and play at being whoever and whatever you wish. If only for a time.
James Veitch /
Pandora
Pandora's Box
Spam
Wish
Box
Costume
Shop
Whoever
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Just remember: if ever you feel weighed down by the bureaucracy and often mundanity of modern life, don't fight the frustration. Let it be the catalyst for whimsy.
James Veitch /
Bureaucracy
Catalyst
Frustration
Modern
Modern Life
Remember
Feel
Often
Fight
Down
Ever
Weighed
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You can succeed as a terrible director, but try doing that with stand-up: try being a terrible comedian and getting up on stage. The funny will win out very, very quickly.
James Veitch /
Comedian
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I know some people whose father has basically spent their whole inheritance on scammers. He's old; he wants to feel important, like he's doing business, so he goes to his bank and pays out - it's terrifying.
James Veitch /
Business
Inheritance
Whole
Business Important People
Bank
Basically
Business Father People
Old
Goes
Pays
Terrifying
Some People
Spent
Wants
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Some of the best scams that you get are the ones that pretend to come from friends of yours, because you can just say anything you want, because a scammer has no idea about your relationship with that person.
James Veitch /
No Idea
Scams
Pretend
Yours
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I had an awkward moment when I got a phone call from the person pretending to be Winnie Mandela. 'Winnie' sounded about 12 years old, unfortunately - she'd probably been pushed to the telephone because she was the only one who spoke English.
James Veitch /
Awkward
Phone
Unfortunately
Mandela
Phone Call
Spoke
Telephone
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The marooned friend is one of the best-known scams, principally because it's the one that dodges the spam filter most often. It comes from someone you know but often only tangentially. It's since become - hands down - one of my favourite scams.
James Veitch /
Favourite
Scams
Spam
Friend
Filter
Principally
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Don't get me wrong - I don't want to be mean to the scammers. There are lots of people online who do that. I'm content merely having fun inventing, and I figure any time they're spending with me is time in which they're not scamming vulnerable adults out of their savings.
James Veitch /
Having Fun
Inventing
Time Me Fun
Merely
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I woke up one morning to an email from my friend Alex that said she'd had her bag stolen. Ordinarily, I'm quite quick on the uptake, but - maybe because of the way it was worded - I immediately replied, 'What??????' As soon as I hit send, I realised I was being scammed. But then they replied, and I thought, 'Well, why not?'
James Veitch /
Alex
Realised
Stolen
Why Not
Bag
Hit
Immediately
My Friend
One Morning
Ordinarily
Quick
Replied
Send
Soon
Woke
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I went to see my mother the other day, and she told me this story that I'd completely forgotten about how, when we were driving together, she would pull the car over, and by the time she had gotten out of the car, and gone around the car to let me out of the car, I would have already gotten out of the car and pretended to have died.
James Veitch /
Forgotten
By The Time
Pretended
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I remember it when I used to go out, I used to dress as Superman, but then I used to dress as Superman dressed as Clark Kent. So, actually, I would be like a little seven-year-old boy going out in a business suit. But I would never expose the fact that I was Superman, but I knew, that should there be any trouble, I could take care of it.
James Veitch /
Take Care
Boy
Clark
Dressed
Expose
Suit
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