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When I started my career, I started with black comics: Bruce Bruce, Mark Curry, Bill Bellamy. It takes all kinds of influences.
You know what happened the last time a group of people said, 'Screw it, we don't care what you think'? They got hung as witches.
As women, and as people, we're often forced to choose between pop culture and tearing down celebrities or a show about politics.
I don't come up with ideas, they come to me. I write them down and try to convey what's wrong with me to the audience as best I can.
At a certain point, I had so much artwork that I decided to respect the art and present them in a nice way, not just on a dusty shelf.
It said, 'War Is Not the Answer.' I disagree. I think war absolutely is the answer. And if you don't agree with me, happy Fourth of July.
When you ask a girl out and she suggest a bar, you're answer shouldn't be great, I like that bar and they'll have the Rockets game on too.
To be labeled pathetic because you enjoy the company of a loving creature who is always down to hang out, sleep, and eat with you is unfair.
What keeps me going is that this I all there is. I am a comedian, and this is what I do. It's like telling a fish to stop swimming. It'll die.
Everyone has their personal topics. My comedy has always been very strong on observational humor, it stems from what I see every day in my life.
I'm a huge sketch comedy fan, and I think my love of sketch is reflected in my stand-up in that I do a lot of vignettes and voices and characters.
As a comedian, as an entertainer, there's a lot of downtime. Once you can accept that comedy is a marathon, not a sprint, it gets a little easier.
It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.
What I have found that my comedy is doing - and what really drives me - is to sort of bring women together through pointing out why we act so crazy.
My mother always told me that you should have one room in your house where you celebrate all of your achievements. You shouldn't have them spread throughout.
I remember playing a college in Michigan, and they all held up their hand to show me where they live, which made me wonder what weird alien cult I had entered.
It's only through aging and going through heartbreak and loss and successes and failures that you can look back and look at the mistakes some young people make.
I drink Peet's Coffee, and they're a very authentic company. They don't try to be something that they're not, and I think that's reflective in my comedy as well.
A very long time ago, I accepted that travel is just a necessary evil, and unlike many things in my life, I decided going with the flow would make it less painful.
When you can analyze situations and figure out what's best for you, based on you and not some preconceived notion of what society expects, then nothing is a threat.
Being sexually harassed is the worst. Sorry. Let me rephrase that. Being sexually harassed by an ugly guy is the worst... If he's hot, it's just plain old flirting.
I think more than anything, as a comedian, I grow tired of the unoriginality of 'crazy cat lady' jokes. It's a hacky joke based on an already-played-out stereotype.
I don't hate other women. Let me rephrase that: I hate other women and men - people in general can be annoying - but I've never disliked a woman for being beautiful.
No matter who you date, people are going to make fun of them, jealous people are going to say stuff, people get creepy - all the things that come with the public eye.
I'm always looking for bigger audiences and bigger stages. Really, however I can reach my fans is what will make me happy - well, I'll actually probably never be happy.
Unfortunately, we don't live in a society where you can say whatever you want, and there will be no repercussions. Pick and choose your battles. I think that's the key.
Sounds are something that I always emulate - I'll walk around, and if a coffee pot goes off or a phone rings, I'll often mimic the sound. To me, everything's got a voice.
I think we're very quick to rip other women apart when they don't fit our mold, which, quite frankly, is just as bad as a man tearing you down for something, if not worse.
There should be an F.A.A. fine for those who bring hot food that emits odor onto the plane. You're deemed selfish, and you have to take some sort of social awareness class.
There was a sketch group at Emerson, and if you could believe it, we were the cool kids. That's how Emerson rolls. I was a film major, but I spent most of my time doing that.
Like any other creative person, I would make home videos, and I would make sketches with my friends, and I would make my own movies, so I have some love for the creative process.
You can hate me for being a woman, you can hate me for being smart, you can hate me for being funny, but you hate me because I am doing something you could never do. End of story.
The amount of garbage that women are expected to put up with - we're just expected to ignore when a man whistles at us. And it never makes us feel good - it always makes us feel unsafe.
I don't think anyone leaves Las Vegas rejuvenated, their skin shining, their bank accounts glowing. No one leaves Vegas, like, 'I didn't make one mistake. That felt great. Back to work.'
I'm not winning any modeling awards, I'm not a Rhodes Scholar, but I genuinely feel that if you're taking time out of your day and your energy to comment on my art, then I got your attention.
Whether it be the gym or telling a guy to stop mistreating me or getting through school with a C+ average but making people think I'm much smarter... it's all about strength and how you wear it.
I always wished my dad was there to intimidate my boyfriends or something. It's supposed to be your dad giving your guys friends the stink-eye for sneaking beer through your house, not your mom.
I had a 'Monty Python' CD, and I would listen to it in the car on the way to school. It also refined my British accent. I can do a killer British accent because I'm just imitating 'Monty Python.'
We've all been there, onstage. You say something you don't mean, you make fun of something on accident but... This wasn't that. This wasn't crowd work. This was a rehearsed set. This was pointed.
Everybody has their cross to bear, and everybody has their issues. But it still never once occurred to me that I'm not as good as everyone else. And that's a gift I wish I could give to every girl.
I don't tend to like race jokes. I don't like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I'm both. Well, I'm not black - but if I was then I could dance better.
I think part of being Jewish is that innate desire to question things. Rabbis sit around all day and question the Torah. Giving yourself the room to question things, in a religion, just breeds thinking.
When you get off stage, the audience should know a little bit about you. Not where you are from, but how you see the world. And that's the difference between like a Chris Rock joke, and like an open-miker.
I think a big part of feminism - and this is something I'm sure a bunch of women will take my head off for - but a big part of feminism is women allowing other women to just be the kind of women that they are.
You can't go to the bathroom alone... you might not come back. Cause no girl's ever been to the bathroom alone and survived. It's true. The last woman that attempted it, it was 1937 and her name was Amelia Earhart.
It's never occurred to me - and I don't know what right mixture of upbringing this was - that my opinion wasn't as important as the alpha males or that I shouldn't try or that I wasn't the funniest one in the room.
I think that it's an easy thing to say, that whenever women do stand up, that 'Oh, they must hate men' - and I'm like, 'Well, if you listen carefully, it's actually a lovely tutorial that I wouldn't give to men unless I cared.'
If you think you're good enough, then you find it preposterous when somebody doesn't acknowledge that... That's propelled me in many ways - maybe thinking I deserve things that I don't at some time. But I'm always willing to put in the work.
I don't write anything. It's all done onstage, which is why I always tell younger comics that they just have to go do it. You have to get up, talk, and take a thought or a word and just expound, and you find it in there. I don't sit down and write.
I've had girls that kissed me on the cheek. People get so pumped, and so excited, they don't see you as a person. Which is fair. Sometimes, I don't see people as people. But at the end of the day, you can't put your hands on me unless I hug you first.