Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I really respect Samantha Bee.
I'm certainly not a supermodel.
Standup is a tough job and a gritty job.
It's always nice to be paid to be in Las Vegas.
I'm going to die unhappy. That's how artists roll!
I love getting insight into what makes actors tick.
I believe in always having a lot of irons in the fire.
My family is funny. I think you're born with the gene.
I really respect my craft and obligation to my audience.
Part of being a comic is being flexible, being versatile.
I was a big fan of sketch comedy and cartoons growing up.
I was always rewarded for being funny. I liked being funny.
I'm pale, and people need to accept that I'm almost see-through.
My only agenda is trying to make you laugh and say something smart.
You can't deny the truth. And that's what makes smart comedy so good.
Both are salty, one will give me carpal tunnel, I'll go with the fries.
A lot of comedians are really funny onstage, but they can't do a podcast.
My passion in life isn't politics. It truly is connecting to people and women.
I don't want to hear any more women talk about how they want to be... mermaids.
There's no anger in my act towards anyone other than myself... and maybe airlines.
Passion always finds a way. Follow your passion and everything else will work out.
The world is a scary place. Even my mother has suggested I take a self defense class.
The only reason people work for airlines is because the Nazi party is no longer hiring.
Getting on stage and screaming at all Republicans does nothing more than isolate people.
I think people have to understand that 'empowering' for women doesn't mean negating men.
When all my girlfriends were watching 'ER,' I was watching episodes of 'Kids in the Hall.'
There's nothing 'flash in the pan' about my career. It's been built fan by fan, city by city.
I've been entertaining men with my comedy for many, many years, and I don't plan on stopping.
We're so hard on ourselves, and there's a freedom in realizing that we're our toughest critics.
I was a huge 'Blind Date' fan, though, when I was younger; that was on when I was in high school.
You're not a road comic till you've watched Real Sex and American Greed alone in your hotel room.
There's a way to express femininity and independence and strength without going for hanging fruit.
I got a job as a coat check girl at a nightclub - this was in my first few months of being in L.A.
I've never been the kind of woman that hates other women, particularly based on their attractiveness.
If a guy is just genuine and honest, girls gravitate towards that, and girls love it when you open up.
I firmly believe in standing by what you are. I was never taught to dim my light to pacify other people.
I was frustrated in general with the way women are always portrayed. And it's always through a man's eyes.
If I could have any job I would be a cat... but that's not something I'm supposed to talk about in public.
You can make people laugh, but having them really want to hear what you have to say, that takes trust and time.
When you travel, try having an open mind, not just about the city that you're in but about the surrounding areas.
I used to take a recorder around and interview my parents and do impressions of my classmates as guests on my show.
I've built a career on evenly entertaining men and women. And I'm kind of known for not making either side feel bad.
The women who are pool waitresses are another worldly species. They're half-desert lizards. They never have sunburns.
My hair is just like five pieces of very soft straw that needs managing. I touch my hair a lot, and that makes it crazy.
Whenever I play Las Vegas, they always give you a suite, and it's really nice, and it always comes with a large bathtub.
I didn't get an agent until after 'Last Comic Standing' - of course, getting on a show like that will get you attention.
Always be nice to the front desk staff because they can choose to make your life a living hell, and they'll remember you.
I have the comedic chops and intelligence to raise points and discuss both sides of whatever is on our mind as a society.
I wasn't a 'hot chick' in high school. I was 'funny' and a tomboy and probably a little uncomfortable with my amazing boobs.
Getting to prove yourself in a room that's not your typical demo is an experience every comic should try. It makes you better.