Quotes by Henry Beard - Page 1

Wear it if it clashes.
Henry Beard / Author
Clash
Golf
Ifs
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Chef: Any cook who swears in French.
Henry Beard / Author
Food
Chef
Cooking
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Bets lengthen putts and shorten drives.
Henry Beard / Author
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Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
Henry Beard / Author
Golf
Golf Jokes
Nonchalant
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"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf
Henry Beard / Author
Golf
Lying
Play
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A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed.
Henry Beard / Author
Enough
Golf
Missed Ones
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Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again.
Henry Beard / Author
Funny
Autumn
Flower
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Advice to anglers: don't take advice from people with missing fingers.
Henry Beard / Author
Fishing
Missing
People
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It's often necessary to hit a second shot to really appreciate the first one.
Henry Beard / Author
Appreciate
Firsts
Golf
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I simply cannot imagine why anyone would eat something slimy served in an ashtray.
Henry Beard / Author
Food
Cooking
Imagine
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You do not sew with a fork and I see no reason why you should eat with knitting needles.
Henry Beard / Author
Food
Cooking
Knitting
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A driving range is the place where golfers go to get all the good shots out of their system.
Henry Beard / Author
Driving
Golf
Range
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Hoeing: A manual method of severing roots from stems of newly planted flowers and vegetables.
Henry Beard / Author
Flower
Vegetables
Weed
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There is no such thing as a 'correct' weight for any particular height - they are only averages.
Henry Beard / Author
Height
Correct
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A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.
Henry Beard / Author
Balls
Golf
Water
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When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
Henry Beard / Author
Golf
Two
Water
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The true definition of a perennial: Any plant which, had it lived, would have bloomed year after year.
Henry Beard / Author
Definitions
Garden
Years
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Fairway: a narrow strip of mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.
Henry Beard / Author
Golf
Groups
Two
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Follow through: The part of the swing that takes place after the ball has been hit, but before the club has been thrown.
Henry Beard / Author
Balls
Golf
Swings
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Hole in One: an occurence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole in a single shot by a golfer playing alone.
Henry Beard / Author
Balls
Golf
Holes
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Few golfers are born with the natural talent for hitting the ball, but every player is blessed with the God-given ability to throw a club.
Henry Beard / Author
Blessed
Golf
Player
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Handicap: an allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.
Henry Beard / Author
Different
Golf
Two
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You can often wash your troubles away with the right kind of bath. Throw everything you have into the tub: bubble gels, bubble oils, bubble powders, bubble gum.
Henry Beard / Author
Gum
Away
Bath
Bubble
Often
Right
Right Kind
Throw
Troubles
Tub
Wash
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Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks - No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard's excellent Tennis for Beginners.
Henry Beard / Author
Beginners
Golf
Tennis
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Garden: One of a vast number of free outdoor restaurants operated by charity-minded amateurs in an effort to provide healthful, balanced meals for insects, birds and animals.
Henry Beard / Author
Animal
Garden
Numbers
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If the wind is in your face, you swing too hard just to get the ball through it; if the wind is at your back, you swing too hard just to see how far you can get the ball to go.
Henry Beard / Author
Golf
Swings
Wind
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Whenever I dream of playing a perfect round of golf, which I rarely do more than a dozen times a day, I picture myself on one of my favorite British Open-style links, and in particular the great courses of the west of Ireland, whose holes flow through naturally bunkered dunesland never far from the sight or sound of surf.
Henry Beard / Author
Courses
Dozen
Flow
Golf
Holes
Ireland
Links
Sight
Naturally
Round
Rarely
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