Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.
Take my wife... Please!
If I had blood, I'd blush.
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
This man dresses like an unmade bed.
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
He doesn't get ulcers - he gives them.
My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him.
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Let's get up here before we get killed!
What is a home without children? Quiet.
We aim to please... You aim too, please.
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Old teachers never die, they just grade away.
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
"What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!"
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece.
"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
