Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Donald Trump is liar-in-chief.
Bananas are my go-to breakfast.
I'm a huge fan of Beverly Cleary.
Donald Trump is white ISIS - WISIS.
I love air conditioning and Starbucks.
Everybody's past and history informs them.
I look like a melanin version of Chris Hayes.
Political culture has become popular culture.
I think perspective is a necessary, amazing thing.
I'd rather be an angry optimist than an angry nihilist.
It is 2017, and we are living in the golden age of lying.
'Stand-Up Planet' was Anthony Bourdain-meets-stand-up comedy.
Even the president is not beyond the reach of the First Amendment.
If you want to take down your opponent, you do it tactically, point by point.
When you immerse yourself in a community, you tend to rise in that community.
I think there are people from every side who are allies for justice and good.
U.S.A. Today is what happens when the coupon section takes over the newspaper.
I can't emphasize how important free speech is to a liberal and free democracy.
Your courage to do what's right has to be greater than your fear of getting hurt
I just hope that people get a variety of news sources to keep themselves informed.
Racism has a very quick expiration date when exposed to actual contact with people.
I'm not a Larry David. I don't have a 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' and a 'Seinfeld' in me.
My mom worked at the VA for years, so any time I can do anything to help, it's a must.
As satirists, we get to stand on the sidelines of life and comment on what's happening.
I had a huge Indian wedding, and I did it for my wife, and I did it for my white friends.
My goal is just to continue to find mediums to tell stories that I think need to be told.
My favorite comedians are just presenting an argument, and they're doing it in a funny way.
Being healthy is the crown that only the sick can see. A lot of times, we take it for granted.
'Vice News' is cool because they'll just send your local barista to go talk to the head of ISIS.
Every time Trump goes golfing, the headline should read, 'Trump Goes Golfing. Apocalypse Delayed.'
When you grow up as a minority in a majority culture, a lot of times, you're just trying to fit in.
Sean Spicer gives press briefings like someone is going through his browser history while he watches.
'CNN Tonight' should just be called 'Wait a second! Now hold on! Stop yelling at each!' with Don Lemon.
Free speech is the foundation of an open and liberal democracy from college campuses to the White House.
In high school, I didn't know what comedy was, but I was involved in speech and debate and public speaking.
Whoever has the best take is what matters. My challenge is finding the best take, and it'll always be that.
Everything isn't breaking news. You can't go to DEFCON One just because Sanjay Gupta found a new moisturizer.
I just hope I reach out to people and connect to people in such a way that they continue to support what I do.
Aditi is a comedy superstar over in India. She's only one of three female English-speaking comedians in India.
As a single guy, the baseline of what I needed was so low. I just needed an air mattress, food, and rent money.
Personal narrative is one of the few things where people don't get caught up in fighting over esoteric rhetoric.
Only in America can the first-generation Indian American Muslim kid get on the stage and make fun of the president.
Funny and sad are two sides of the same coin. I think that most comedians are able to tap into deep subject matter.
Every time a U.S.A. Today slides underneath my door, it's like they're saying, 'Hey, you're not that smart, right?'
I call my style Classic Americana Swag. I do my vibe, and I'll throw in a cool sneaker here or there, a pair of Js.
I feel like every conversation with my father is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie; 90 minutes of build-up to no payoff.
I'm addicted to chocolate chip cookies. I mean that seriously. If there are chocolate chip cookies, I will devour them.
I think the best comedians have that bravery and courage to say, 'This is what it is. This is unfair; that's not cool.'
I'm just an American citizen like everyone else and I'm not sitting at the power table in the room where it all happens.
Jon Stewart is a dude who grew up in Jersey, hosted the show for 17 years, and created this new way of doing satirical news.