Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause.
If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.
Confidence: The feeling that makes one believe a man, even when one knows that one would lie in his place
Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on.
The more I think you over, the more it comes home to me what an unmitigated Middle Victorian ass you are!
Every autobiography ... becomes an absorbing work of fiction, with something of the charm of a cryptogram.
A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.
The way for newspapers to meet the competition of radio and television is simply to get out better papers.
The prophesying business is like writing fugues; it is fatal to every one save the man of absolute genius.
Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it.
The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
Evil: That which one believes of others. It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake
War is the only sport which is genuinely amusing. And it is the only sport which has any intelligible use.
He slept more than any other president, whether by day or by night. Nero fiddled, but Coolidge only snored.
A home is not a mere transient shelter: its essence lies in the personalities of the people who live in it.
Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99 % of them are wrong.
No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
Voting is simply a way of determining which side is the stronger without putting it to the test of fighting.
Without a doubt there are women who would vote intelligently. There are also men who knit socks beautifully.
It is not the drinker, but the man who has just stopped drinking, who thinks the world is going to the dogs.
Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.
Religion, after all, is nothing but an hypothesis framed to account for what is evidentially unaccounted for.
Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.
A man is called a good fellow for doing things which, if done by a woman, would land her in a lunatic asylum.
The only way that a government can provide for jobs for all citizens is by deciding what every man should do.
Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours.
The only really respectable Protestants are the fundamentalists. Unfortunately, they are also palpable idiots.
The chief knowledge that's man on from reading books is the knowledge that very few of them are worth reading.
The curse of man, and the cause of nearly all his woe, is his stupendous capacity for believing the incredible.
The average man gets his living by such depressing devices that boredom becomes a sort of natural state to him.
[Government's] great contribution to human wisdom...is the discovery that the taxpayer has more than one pocket.
It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.
History deals mainly with captains and kings, gods and prophets, exploiters and despoilers, not with useful men.
Courtroom : A place where Jesus Christ and Judas Iscariot would be equals, with the betting odds favoring Judas.
Any man who, having a child or children he can't support, proceeds to have another should be sterilized at once.
War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands.
Unsuccessful candidates for the Presidency should be quietly hanged as a matter of public sanitation and decorum.
How little it takes to make life unbearable: a pebble in the shoe, a cockroach in the spaghetti, a woman's laugh.
The state remains, as it was in the beginning, the common enemy of all well-disposed, industrious and decent men.
How to Drink Like a Gentleman: The Things to Do and the Things Not To, as Learned in 30 Years' Extensive Research.
There is no record in the history of a nation that ever gained anything valuable by being unable to defend itself.
Only a jackass ever talks over his affairs with a woman, whether she be his sweetheart, wife, or sister, or mother.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
The ideal way to get rid of any infectious disease would be to shoot instantly every person who comes down with it.
The difference between the smartest dog and the stupidest man - say a Tennessee Holy Roller - is really very small.
When a woman says she won't, it's a good sign that she will. And when she says she will, it is an even better sign.
Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
There are some politicians who, if their constituents were cannibals, would promise them missionaries in every pot.
One horse-laugh is worth ten thousand syllogisms. It is not only more effective; it is also vastly more intelligent.