I never quit. I just got fired.

Getting mad only leads to madness.

The media is Obama's scandal condom.

Good people suddenly don't turn bad.

I don't care much for Hillary Clinton.

Celebrities are the doormats to power.

It's pointless to get all huffy about stuff.

America is like the greatest hit of the world.

I would like to see a president with a monocle.

Security should not be a black and white thing.

I guess coming out against actual evil takes guts.

Language turned apes like us into civil creatures.

Travel like a pro, not like a hobo. That's my motto.

The bands I like are not obscure at all. Far from it.

I admire President Obama's ability to trust strangers.

For trance music to be good, it has to sneak up on you.

ObamaCare is creating nothing but misery for everybody.

ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator.

I've interviewed everyone from Joe Strummer to Iggy Pop.

ObamaCare was a lemon, but the media were his lemonheads.

Some things get better with age. And then there's Madonna.

Work together. Do not purge your allies because of purity.

I'm used to the Right being singled out by the entertainers.

If America was a house, the Left would root for the termites.

I don't think Trevor Noah got his job by being a conservative.

You should try to get fired once in a while. It's good for you.

Wherever socialism spread, misery followed - and still follows.

Obama's tenure had more dirty linen then Charlie Sheen's hamper.

Al Sharpton chases the spotlight the way Obama chases golf balls

Before there was radical Islam, immigration and terror didn't mix.

I guess if your heart's in the right place, the trash can go anywhere.

I've always wondered, how did Hitler get away with so much for so long?

An actual scientist embraces debate because it sharpens their research.

The problem with Republicans and Conservatives is we attack each other.

A Smith & Wesson does more for empowering women than Feminism ever could

We need to remember who the enemy is, and then we need to eat them alive.

When the government sees a poor area, its solution is to move the poor out.

Military simulation is an important way of training people for an emergency

Trump says what he thinks at that moment. He's a totem pole of transparency.

We are all better served by objectively diagnosing trolls so they can change.

Actors seem brave and unpredictable, but they're spontaneous as a tax return.

I don't like the way my hair looks, so we're going to do the whole show over.

Nothing is ever as bad as it seems. Nor does it ever last as long as you think.

Normally, 'Saturday Night Live' is about as entertaining as an ocular migraine.

Chris Matthews is so nuts that if he ate a snickers bar it would be cannibalism.

How odd that the proponents of free expression think 'free' only applies to them.

Al Gore completely lied about climate change in an effort to make a lot of money.

I haven`t used that word since I was 7 years old. I don`t understand Donald Trump.

If pop culture is a pool, it never hurts to dive into the deep end once in a while.

Commencement addresses are usually garbage. They're for colleges seeking publicity.

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